Electrician: [to Jill] This Handsaver Lady Sott Touch is one of our most popular models.
[Tim walks up to to the back door wearing only a tool belt and his boots]
Tim: [knocks] Hey, let me in!
Electrician: Hey, lady, there's a crazy man in your back yard. Wait a minute. Isn't that the guy with the tool show on TV?
Tim: Hey. Let me in. [the electrician waves at Tim] Stop waving at me. Her. Get her.
Electrician: What's he doing now?
Jill: I think he's tying to reclaim his male spirit.

Tim: Well, I think you're ready for your new Hank the Handyman tool belt. [Mark grunts] All right. Let's take a look at it. Little baby butt crack. All right, the number one rule in home repair is safety. We're gonna rewire a major appliance, we gotta cut the electricity off. All right? Come on out here. There.
That is the fuse box. The electrical nerve center of our house.
Mark: Wow.
Tim: You're darn right, wow. But now, we don't have to cut off all the electricity. Just the section of the house we're working on. That'd be the kitchen, up there... Kitchen... [chuckles] Boy, I shouldn't have labeled those in pencil, should I? They're all faded and everything. Look it... Well, kitchen's K... That's kitchen. There we go. All right, Hank the Handyman. Come on. Let's go.

Jill: I asked you not to touch the dishwasher. But you didn't listen, did you? That's fine. I am not gonna get angry. I mean, it makes more work for me but I don't mind. I like to work. It's just, you know, too bad nobody'll hire me.
Tim: You don't have to feel bad.
Jill: Don't tell me how to feel.
Tim: I'm just saying if it were me...
Jill: It's not you, Tim. It's me.
Tim: What I mean is you don't have to work.
Jill: You don't really want me to work, do you?
Tim: No, no, no. I make enough money for both of us.
Jill: No, this is not about money. This is about me having a life outside of this house. My autonomy.
Tim: Your autonomy.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: How do you spell that?
Jill: Don't start.

Jill: No, really, really. You should've seen me. I was so impressive. I looked this vice president right in the eye and I said... Is that grease on your hand?
Tim: No, that's an electrical burn.
Jill: Did you touch the dishwasher?
Tim: Did I touch the dishwasher?
Jill: You're a dead man.
Tim: Jill, hold on.
Jill: What did you do? Show me what you did.
Tim: Boy, are you cute when you're panickin'. That big vein in your forehead just sticks right out.

Jill: Honey, don't put that in the dishwasher. You have to rinse it off first.
Tim: I gotta wash the dish before I put it in the dishwasher?
Jill: Yeah. That spray's not strong enough for egg yolk.
Tim: It would be if we had a man's dishwasher... but, no, you insisted on the Lady Soft Touch decor series. Little tiny buttons that no man can...
Jill: I am so sorry. The grunting-hairy-ape model was sold out. [grunts]
Tim: [grunts]
Jill: Just rinse the dish.

Tim: Well, that's it for me, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. I'll finish up today with today's household tip. A very important one, as all of my tips are. Remember folks, always - and I do mean always - label that fuse box in ink. [grunts] See ya. [grunts]

Jill: Tim, I'm going to that interview. I'll see you in a couple hours.
Tim: Good luck, honey. And remember what Knute Rockne said: "Hit 'em low and hit 'em hard."
Jill: I'll do that. Oh, oh, oh, and remember, honey. Don't touch the dishwasher.
Tim: Honey, I'm not one of the kids. You only have to tell me once.
Jill: Yeah.

Jill: I didn't get the job?
Tim: I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you. And the dishwasher exploded... that wasn't it. I am really, really sorry. You all right?
Jill: I'll get the broom.
Tim: Don't. You don't touch this. I will clean all this up. I'll get... Hey. Look on the bright side, honey. It wasn't a full load.

Jill: Since you're staying, would you load the dishwasher?
Tim: Why not? Now that you've broken my spirit.
Jill: Tim, this job is important to me. Aren't you excited about me going back to work?
Tim: Yeah, sure.
Jill: "Yeah, sure." Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?
Tim: I'm sorry, honey. Gosh, I'm excited that you won't be laying around the house mooching off the boys and me. [groans as Jill spanks him] Oh, do the other side. Oh, I'm your love slave.

Jill: No running in the house.
Tim: Brad! Cover the ball with both hands so you don't fumble. Go on.
Jill: Tim.
Tim: And do as your mother says. Don't run in the house.