[dream sequence:]
Pizza Guy: Well, Tim, for selling so many copies, the publisher has two big surprises for you.
Tim: I like them.
Woman: A check for 10 million dollars and the keys to a brand new Ferrari.
Tim: You're kidding!
Pizza Guy: Oh, not so fast. Before we let you drive away, you're gonna have to read us a few passages from your highly anticipated book.
Tim: Well, I'd love to, Kenny.
Tim: [inner monologue] Plenty of places for autographs here. And notes, you know, personal notes, little letters you want to write to yourself.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, no!
Tim: [inner monologue] There's nothing in this book! Nothing!
Oprah: What a hack!
Jay Leno: Who are we kidding? This man's a loser.
Leeza Gibbons: Tomorrow's show, celebrities who feel betrayed by Tim Taylor.
Tim: [screams]