Martin: I still think you're making too big a deal out of this.
Niles: Dad, I have never seen Maris this angry. I swear, her eye was twitching like a frog in a science experiment.
Martin: Well, when your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards, and give her a kiss which made her glad she was a woman.
Niles: I can't do that with Maris. She has abnormally rigid vertebrae, she'd snap like a twig.

Martin: Oh, why don't you just get her a nice bottle of perfume?
Niles: She gets hives.
Martin: How about candy?
Niles: Hypoglycemic.
Martin: Just get her a dozen roses.
Niles: Allergic.

Niles: Dad, as usual, your simple homespun wisdom has pricked the balloon of Frasier's pomposity.