Robert: Wow, are you a liar. You know, I know what it is. I got something good and you can't stand it. You never could. Remember when I made that diorama in Mr. Carolan's history class?
Ray: What?
Robert: Everybody said how great it was everybody! I won a prize, remember? But you said it stunk.
Ray: You had George Washington fighting a dinosaur.
Robert: It was a dragon, Raymond! A dragon that represented years of British tyranny! Which just goes to show how stupid you were then and now.

Amy: All right, let's all just relax. I think we're making too big of a deal of this.
Debra: No, Amy, I have been putting up with this for 15 years. I am not gonna let him do this to you too. You know, when I need to talk to Ray about my feelings or our children, I know I have until the commercial's over. That gives me 30 seconds. And if there's a girl in the commercial, or a truck with big wheels, or God forbid, a monkey, forget it.

Amy: You know what? It's taken some time, but even Robert has started opening up to me. Like, he finally told me why he sleeps with a tennis racket under his bed.
Ray: He still does that?
Amy: For the burglars.
Ray: That's what he told you it's for? No, no, no, that's- That's his ghost swatter.
Amy: What?
Ray: Yes, yes. Ever since we were kids, he would- Listen to this. One time, he was about 12, and he thought he heard something in the attic. And so of course I'm making fun of him. So to prove that he's not scared, he went up there with his "ghost swatter." So I took a broom and I went, "Boom boom boom." And all of a sudden, two giant legs come crashing through the ceiling boom!
Amy: Just his legs?
Ray: Yeah, well, he fell on a beam... "Aah!" And it's just two giant legs just sticking out, and they were still trying to run... "Aah."
Amy: Was he injured?
Ray: Well, you tell me.