Marie: And now I'd like to inquire as to the whereabouts of my possessions my sofa and my piano.
Robert: They're in the basement.
Marie: Ah the basement. So, I'm not gone a month and my 100-year-old, priceless Bulgarian upright piano is in the basement. And has been replaced by you... with this.
Robert: Do you even know what that is, Ma?
Marie: Yes, I do know what that is! I may be an ancient relic as far as you're concerned, but I'm still able to know what things are! This is a sex machine.
Robert: Ma!

Amy: No, wait. You know, maybe we could save up for our own place quicker if we stay here for a while. And besides, we just spent a fortune on furniture, and we can't even return the couch or the Muscleflex because you just ruined them... sweetie.
Robert: My life! What has happened to my life? [looks to the heavens] Was this your plan? Huh? You sat up there and you put me through everything and then let me end up like this? Well, let me tell you something, mister: You are not funny.
Debra: He does screw with him a lot.

Debra: Now hold on. We are not gonna sit here and listen to you run down these good people. I don't think you've even considered that the problem just may be everyone else.
Katie: Well, l...
Debra: Frank and Marie Barone are fine, religious people. Oh, sure, they might be opinionated, but I find that refreshing. And Marie may have bruised some feelings, but it's important to remember that everything she does comes from love.
Scott: I understand that you're upset.
Debra: Please don't make us take them back!
Scott: I'm sorry.
Debra: Is it money? 'Cause we could pay more money.