Everybody Loves Raymond - Ray Quote #971
Ray: Look, I know a lot of stuff's going on femininally. You know, I know it's not your fault.
I understand that. It's, uh you know, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. Only more Hyde. If he's the bad one. It was Hyde, right? Whatever- Whatever- Whatever it is, I know it's not you that's yelling at my friends for making a mess or getting all crazy about clothes on the hamper. I know that that's not you. That's Hyde. If he was the bad one. But you know what? While I was out today, I got you something. I really I want to help you feel better, you know, and and and this should take care of all your symptoms.
Debra: Except for bitchy, right, Ray?
Ray: What do you mean?
Debra: I mean, there's nothing in here for bitchy.
Ray: Probably need a prescription for bitchy.
Debra: Boy, this is just like you, Ray. Just when I think that you can't be any more insensitive, you rise to the occasion.
Quote from Marie
Debra: I cannot take this anymore. Okay, you make a huge mess, you don't help me at all, you invite your friends over to drive me crazy all day, and all you can think of is, "Oh, she must have PMS. Let's just load her up with drugs."
Ray: No, it's got St. Johns worts in it.
Debra: I can't believe you. If there's ever anything wrong, it's PMS, huh? I don't know what to do! Sometimes I just want to smack you!
[As Ray turns around with a grin on his face, Marie slaps him]
Marie: Debra's right, Raymond. I'm sorry.
Ray: You smacked me.
Marie: I know I did. I'm sorry.
Ray: W- W- What did you do that for?
Marie: It's just that it sounds like you're becoming just like your father. [slaps Ray again]
Ray: What are you doing?
Marie: I don't know. I don't know. It's just that he was so awful during my... ladies' days. Anytime I happened to make a comment about his usual disgusting behavior, he would just blame it on that.
Debra: That's what Ray does.
Marie: That's what they all do.
Quote from Debra
Debra: Where's my tape recorder, Ray? Where was my tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours and you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?
Ray: 36 hours, that's not a short time.
Debra: Yeah, guess what? It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out of your body while your husband's going, "Does this hospital have fudgesicles?" Yeah, where's my tape recorder, huh? Or when you ask me why I get so upset because I find your underpants in the kitchen, huh? Or when you start snoring at my grandmother's funeral? Or when you tape a football game over our wedding video?!
Ray: Do you really need a tape recorder? You seem to remember everything.
Quote from Frank
Ray: Just don't worry about me, all right? I'll just ride it out.
Frank: You dumb bastard.
Frank: "Ride it out." You put a stop to this now.
Ray: All right, Dad, all right.
Frank: Let me ask you she's in a bad mood, what, two, three days tops? Not so tough now, right? Pretty soon she's gonna get a mood that lasts five days. Then it's a week. And before you know it, what used to be a bad mood now takes over and becomes her only mood. And then, you become like me where not a day goes by that I don't wish there was a comet screaming towards Earth to bring me sweet relief.
Quote from Counseling
Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!
Quote from The Ingrate
Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."
Quote from The Plan
Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.