Robert: I was hip to Ma. I had two diaries. The one for her was a decoy.
Ray: You kept two sets of books?
Robert: Yeah, the one I let her find had stuff in it that I knew she'd want to read, like, um... how good her eggplant parmigiana was, and how her punishments were fair and just and about how I wanted to marry someone just like her.
Ray: A fake diary. You kept a fake diary. That's sick.
Robert: Yep, and I kept it in the first place I'd knew she'd look, under my mattress.
Ray: That's where I kept mine.
Robert: Unfortunate.