Maeby: How 'bout I come with you? I mean, I could help you prepare.
Tobias: Yes, well, it's for a con man, which I don't think you know anything about. And besides, don't you have school?
Maeby: No. Um... Today is "Help Your Dad Follow His Dream" day.
Tobias: [chuckles] Great. We can take the carpool lane.

Maeby: How do you think I feel? He said he would help me on this essay for The Old Man and the Sea.
Michael: I'll help you with that later.
Maeby: Oh, great. Okay. So you have to read this, and then explain it and, this is important, say it in my own words, okay? Smart, but not too smart. Let's have a four-syllable max.

Lucille: Look at what Buster sent from the army.
Michael: It's blacked out.
Oscar: Oh, the government. Keep reading.
Michael: "Sergeant Blank is treating me very blank and it looks like I'll be shipping off to blank in about a blank.
I blank you, Mother. Buster."
Lucille: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.
Michael: Well, you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits till he was 12.
Narrator: Even once on a magazine cover that had been mocked within the family for years.