TV Quotes

Lindsay: She can't drive herself. I mean, she's the world's worst driver.
Narrator: Lindsay was not exaggerating. Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.
Michael: Yeah. I can't believe she got that driver's license renewed.
Gob: She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking "Albino" on the form.

Lucille: I told you. They don't support me.
Michael: I hate to tell you, Mom, but they don't support me either. I sat down and I told them this was important to me.
Lucille: You did that for me?
Michael: I let you drive, didn't I?
Lucille: Yes, you did, Michael, and I'm loving it. You're a good son. You always do things for others. You're the only one holding this family together.
Michael: And you see a lot more than I give you credit for, Mom. You're not just concerned with yourself. You care about the family.
Hey. Is that Gob?
Lucille: It's an idiot on a scooter at night? It's gotta be Gob. Let's give him a scare.
Michael: Hmm? No, Mom. I don't think we should.
Lucille: A nice little scare. [shouts] Hey, big shot, too busy to go to your mother's party?

Maeby: You would've had to lie about scuba, 'cause you would've been scared.
George Michael: Why do you say I'm scared of scuba? I'm not.
Maeby: You passed out at the aquarium.
George Michael: Well, they make you feel like you're underwater with all these giant...
Maeby: Dolphins?
George Michael: I still think that was some kind of smiling, kind of bemused baby shark.

Michael: [to Maeby] Ah, hey. Did that Murphybrown thing upset you?
George Michael: Oh, did that actress die? Oh, [bleeps] you, 2015.
Michael: Oh, no, this is different.