Michael Quote #112
Quote from Michael in Team Cockroach
Eleanor: How many times in all the reboots did I ask Chidi for help, he refused to help me and then I had to get better on my own?
Michael: Never. He always helped you.
Eleanor: God. Really?
Michael: Yep. No matter how I set it up, you found him, confessed you didn't belong, asked him for help, and he said yes. Now his agreeing to help was part of my plan. What wasn't part of my plan was it actually working. Drove me nuts. Pesky little nerd. Stuck with you and always helped you overcome your biggest problem.
Eleanor: Assuming that's my selfishness.
Michael: No. No, no, no. It's that you never found a haircut that framed your face properly. Yes, your selfishness.
Eleanor: I'm not that selfish.
Janet: [appears] Eleanor, your cocaine and escape train are ready.
Eleanor: Not now.
Janet: Okay. [disappears]
The Good Place Quotes
‘Team Cockroach’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: If you're not human, why do you look like us?
Michael: Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor: Gross.
Michael: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
Quote from Tahani
Chidi: Anyone have any ideas?
Tahani: You know, believe it or not, I actually found myself in a very similar situation a few years ago, except in that instance, Michael was Javier Bardem and the Bad Place was Vanessa Redgrave's panic room.
Eleanor: Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: What do we do?
Jason: We team up with Michael.
Eleanor: Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence. Tell me why.
Jason: He has a bow tie.
Eleanor: Oh, no.
Jason: I always trust dudes in bow ties. Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station and said he'd give me $600 if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag and brought them to Daytona Beach. So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona and the guy paid me the $600. My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties.
[Eleanor slaps the lollipop out of Jason's mouth]