Michael Quote #110
Quote from Michael in Team Cockroach
Michael: I can get us there.
Eleanor: Us? You, Mr. Diabolical Torture Guy are gonna try to join us in the Good Place?
Michael: Yeah, if I stay in the Bad Place, I'm doomed. But if I rescue four pitiful, foul-smelling humans from eternal damnation... hit 'em with the big puppy dog eyes. "Please, sir, take pity on me, I've changed..." and all that crap, maybe I can earn a spot, too.
Chidi: We didn't deserve the Good Place based on our time on Earth. Will they even let us stay?
Michael: I gotta be honest, I have no idea. But at least if you help me fool Vicky, your brains don't get erased every two weeks.
Eleanor: Okay, all humans who have not already been suckered by Michael, another team meeting.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Team Cockroach’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: If you're not human, why do you look like us?
Michael: Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor: Gross.
Michael: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
Quote from Tahani
Chidi: Anyone have any ideas?
Tahani: You know, believe it or not, I actually found myself in a very similar situation a few years ago, except in that instance, Michael was Javier Bardem and the Bad Place was Vanessa Redgrave's panic room.
Eleanor: Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: What do we do?
Jason: We team up with Michael.
Eleanor: Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence. Tell me why.
Jason: He has a bow tie.
Eleanor: Oh, no.
Jason: I always trust dudes in bow ties. Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station and said he'd give me $600 if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag and brought them to Daytona Beach. So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona and the guy paid me the $600. My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties.
[Eleanor slaps the lollipop out of Jason's mouth]