Patrick Quote #85
David: What is that noise?
Patrick: I don't know. Maybe the sheets are a bit stiff.
David: No, it's like a, a crinkling sound.
Patrick: Oh, you're probably just sitting on the mattress tag.
David: [gasps] Is this a mattress protector?
Patrick: No. No, no, that's a... a second sheet that you put on the mattress, um, that my mom gave me when I moved in, so I just...
David: You put down a plastic sheet?
Patrick: Well, I don't think it's a pla... I mean, it might have like a rubberized coating, but I don't know.
David: Oh my God!
Patrick: Purely coincidental.
Quote from The Hike
David: What's going on?
Patrick: So I used to come on this hike a lot, when I first moved here, and I was, uh, I was developing feelings for this guy I had just gotten into business with. And I didn't know what to do about it because I didn't know if that guy had the same feelings. Or if I'd ever be able to muster up the courage to let him know how I felt. And now, here he is. The love of my life, standing in front of me. [David sobs] And this just felt like the perfect place to ask you to marry me.
David: [sobs] Wha- Are you sure?
Patrick: Easiest decision of my life.
David: [laughs; Patrick and David kiss] Are these 24-karat? It's a yes, it's a yes! I love you.
Quote from Motel Review
Patrick: So, why don't we start with the name of the business?
David: Oh, um, I'm oscillating between two names at the moment, so if we could just leave that one blank, that would be great.
Patrick: Sure, sure. Give you more time to oscillate. Um, business address?
David: Okay, so I'm working on that. Um, I'm currently staying in a motel, and I think it might be confusing if I gave you the address to another business.
Patrick: Y-Yeah, for sure. We'll leave that blank as well. Battin' a thousand here, David.
David: I don't know what that means.
Quote from Open Mic
Patrick: So I'm sensing some apprehension.
David: No, I think it's, you know, it's- It's not scary or embarrassing for the person you're dating to sing at you with an acoustic guitar in front of people. I think that's cool.
Patrick: David, you're gonna be fine. It's just a way to get some people in the store, okay?
David: Yeah. Yes, for sure. I mean, if you are, confident, to put yourself and our relationship at risk like that, then I am 87% behind you.
Patrick: Good to know. So now the only question is, do I wear my fringed vest?
Patrick: Or more importantly, do I wear anything under it?
Quote from Moira
Moira: Very well. Let me see what you're typing! "Big news coming soon, caw caw!" And a little yellow cartoon... winking. You know what would be fun, Alexis, let's put a beak on that winking cartoon.
Alexis: No, you can't do that.
Moira: Let me handle this, please. Okay, is it on? Can they see us?
Alexis: No, you just press "send."
Moira: Alexis, this is exciting! We have our very own digital soapbox here! It reminds me of the Nickelodeon pilot I did in which Ashley Tisdale and I played suffragettes. You remember, "You Go, Girl."
Quote from Patrick
Patrick: Hey, let's talk about something else.
David: Sure, um... what's the thread count on this plastic?
Patrick: Okay, would it help if I were to share something private and embarrassing with you?
David: I might be too tired for that tonight.
Patrick: Ha ha! If we're gonna be married, I just think it's important that we be as open and honest with each other as we possibly can.
David: What is this sexy thing?
Patrick: Okay, I only put this in when you're not around. It's my mouth-guard.
David: Oh... well, there's nothing really embarrassing about that. Also, you look very beautiful.
Patrick: Aw, thank you. Um, hmm. How about... now?
David: My God!
Patrick: This is my nose thing, and it just helps me breathe better.
David: I have never been more attracted to you.
Patrick: Mm, same.
[They kiss and laugh]
David: Ooh! Ronnie's texting me a link to something?
Patrick: Okay, put it away, David. It's bedtime.
Quote from Alexis
Alexis: Hey, I just got off the phone with the PR people from Interflix, they're making the announcement about the "Crows" movie at noon, so they've requested that you do a social media takeover, but don't worry, I will handle it.
Moira: Takeover? That sounds hostile.
Alexis: No, they just want you like, send out posts from their account, but I will do it for you.
Moira: You will?
Alexis: Mm-hmm, trust me. I've dated enough mid-level latte art influencers to know what the people want.
Moira: I'm sorry Alexis, I only understood about half of what you just said.