Hal Quote #482
Quote from Hal in Thanksgiving
Hal: How did this happen?
Lois: It's terrible. What's that look, Hal?
Hal: Come on, Lois. You've been trying to undercut this relationship from the start. And now all of a sudden, they're getting a divorce and you had nothing to do with it?
Lois: Please. You really think I have that much power to orchestrate people's lives... besides yours?
Hal: All I know is that our son is talking about ending his marriage - a marriage which you never supported.
Lois: Hal, that's ridiculous. Fine, fine. You want me to go talk to Francis?
Hal: Yes. No! No, no, no, no, no, no. This is some way for you to try to work out your agenda.
Lois: Fine. I will not say a word to either one of 'em.
Hal: Good. Wait. You won't say anything, which means you're just going to let this whole thing fall apart. Oh, I see your game, Lois.
Lois: Hal, what is it you want me to do?
Hal: No, no, you are not dragging me into your little Machiavellian schemes, thank you very much. No, you spun these tangled webs yourself, Lois. You get yourself out.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Thanksgiving’ Quotes
Quote from Reese
Hal: This is the turkey you got?
Reese: It's perfect.
Hal: It's really small.
Reese: Well, if it were any bigger, it wouldn't be able to fit inside of this!
Hal: What? Y-You're going to put our dinner inside that monster?
Reese: It's a monkfish. The juices of the monkfish will baste the turkey. The flavor from the turkey will saturate the fish, both melding into one fantastic dish.
Hal: Reese, this doesn't seem like a good idea.
Reese: I don't know, Dad. Maybe you're right. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. [sticks spoon in Hal's mouth]
Hal: Oh! Mmm! You know, that really shouldn't work.
Reese: [to the monkfish] Listen, my ugly beauty. Yesterday you were sucking scum off the bottom of the sea. Tonight you're going to tango with the gods. [moves mouth] Yes, master, I will be delicious for you.
Quote from Reese
Reese: [to Jamie] See? The real balsamic has a smoother mouth feel. Good, you're back. I'm going to start prepping the herbs de Provence and sautéing the mushrooms. I need you to scrub these pots and pans again.
Hal: What? No, I just finished those.
Reese: Dad, look at this. The stubborn patina of tuna casserole, or enchilada loaf, or whatever in God's name this greasy spoon churns out night after soul-killing night. But not tonight. Tonight we go for greatness. Are you with me, Dad?
Hal: No! This pot is clean enough, Reese. No one will taste this.
Reese: All right, then. I guess no one will ever taste this! [sticks spoon in Hal's mouth]
Hal: Oh, my God.
Quote from Reese
Reese: That means I have exactly 12 hours left to create the most fantastic Thanksgiving feast in the history of Thanksgiving feasts.
Hal: What's with the sheets?
Reese: I can't cook with distractions.
Hal: I don't think that's...
Reese: Dad, remember the chocolate soufflé I made for Thanksgiving two years ago?
Hal: Oh, yeah. That was...
Reese: Rat puke compared to what I have planned! The crepes I made last Thanksgiving?
Hal: Ooh, they were...
Reese: Crap next to what we're having tonight! Don't think of this as a meal. This is going to be like eating the Mona Lisa.
Hal: Reese, I hardly think you can comp... [puts spoon in Hal's mouth] Oh, my God. What do you need?
Reese: Your mindless, robot-like obedience to every demand I make, no matter how small.
Dewey: Plus, we get to eat anything that falls on the floor.