Hal Quote #646
Quote from Hal in Dewey's Opera
Hal: So, you just bought a new bed, just like that.
Lois: Hal, we had that smelly, saggy old one for 20 years. It's time for a new one.
Hal: This one is certainly bigger.
Lois: Yeah. It's king-sized. They're a little bigger.
Hal: So you'll be further away.
Lois: I guess. Maybe a couple inches.
Hal: So, is that the reason? You want there to be more distance between us?
Lois: Hal, I didn't really think about the size. It was on sale at Mattress King.
Hal: I guess you couldn't pass up a deal like that, huh? It's just interesting to learn how it starts.
Lois: How what starts?
Hal: Well, first you buy the king-size bed, the largest bed made. But then of course, at some point, even the giant bed doesn't put enough distance between you and the hideous monster. So you start sleeping in another room. Then soon, we're barely exchanging pleasantries, and then one day you say, "Hal, let's just say what we're both thinking." And then, I end up eating alone on a Formica table under a swinging lightbulb while you are on a beach in Ibiza being rubbed with cocoa butter by your new lover who you can never get too close to!
Lois: Hal, it's a bed! The old one was horrible. This one is nice. Look, I know this is a big change for you. So I'm just going to have to think of some way to make you very, very happy in this bed.
Hal: Good luck!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Dewey's Opera’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: Honey, honey, relax. Honey, we're married. It doesn't matter how embarrassing something is. Because no one knows it... but me.
[fantasy:]
Hal: [sings] Lois... Don't be embarrassed. I know Everything about you. I know when you, think you're alone. You have to check, if your ears have grown. Every day, before you go to work. You know how I panic, When I see a monkey. I've seen you take pizza, From the garbage and eat it! I know all of you, You know all of me. But it's only us, my love! No one else knows. No one else. No one else. No one... Else.
[reality:]
Lois: I'll return the bed.
Hal: Honey, you've fallen asleep for a week in that bed. They're not gonna take it back.
Quote from Hal
Dewey: I'm here to snitch. Reese and Malcolm are in the garage. They won't let me in, but they're building something. If you want help in the penalty phase, let me know.
Hal: Dewey, I am not going to go in there and have a big fight with the boys because you've got nothing to do. We have a rule in this family about what we do when we're bored. [hands Dewey the TV remote]
Quote from Hal
Lois: There's a reason I bought a bed that was bigger. I did want some distance from you, but it's not because I don't love you and I don't want to be close to you.
Hal: I don't understand.
Lois: There are certain things that have to happen with my body at the end of the day. Certain events that have to... transpire. And if they don't transpire, I end up with stomach cramps, and I don't want it to happen two inches away from your nose.
Hal: That's your secret?
Lois: I know it's stupid and embarrassing and I want to be sexy for you, but after 20 years, I just have to have a break from clamping down and gritting my teeth all night.
Hal: Oh, honey, I don't care about that. And it's not a secret. The second you fall asleep you let loose like a sailor.
Lois: What?
Hal: Oh, yeah, it's like when they put the balloons away after the Thanksgiving parade.
Lois: Oh, my God. I can't hear anything. You're tunneling out.