Barney Quote #1803
Barney: That's my sister, Ted!
Ted: Well, look, I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you! This is just some crazy coincidence.
Barney: There are four million women in the city of New York, Ted, and you sleep with my sister? Why would the universe do that to me?
Ted: I don't know. It's not like you've ever treated women in such a way that would invite some sort of karmic retribution.
Barney: You banged my sister! My sweet, little, innocent...
Ted: Pierced.
Barney: Really? Where? Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt everything you did to her last night. It wasn't a bro-nnection, it was a sis-nnection! Oh, my God. Ted... did you... [whispers in Ted's ear]
Ted: Big-time.
Barney: Nice! High five! Wait! No! no! Retraction five!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Ring Up’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go.
Marshall: Why would we care how...
Robin: Usually it's like this.
[fantasy scene of Robin queuing:]
Man #1: After you.
Robin: Aw, thank you.
Man #2: On the house, Robin!
Man #3: [all singing] Take this bagel on the house
Man #4: Have a paper on the house
Man #5: I'd give you a house on the house if I could
All: You're so beautiful Everything in life should be free
Robin: It's so wonderful to be me!
[reality:]
Lily: Wow. Do Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning, too?
[fantasy:]
All: She's exaggerating to make a point!
Quote from Barney
Ted: Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body.
Barney: You're picking now to get some self-respect? You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery.
Ted: That was you.
Barney: [as Sean Connery] Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable.
Quote from Robin
Ted: You guys. You guys will not believe what just happened. On my way here, a taxi jumped the curb and it pinned this old lady, and I-I just went into this, like, crazy adrenaline mode and I somehow lifted it off her.
Lily: Oh, my God, Ted, your wrist.
Ted: Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen. I must've strained it lifting.
Barney: No, I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist. The one wearing the male birth control.
Robin: I was gonna go with "chastity bracelet."
Barney: God, is it possible to love you more?