Barney Quote #1802
Barney: All right, I got to know what she looks like. Show me a picture.
Ted: Well, normally, I'm above such things, but it's been a while, and, uh, Teddy's braggin'. Okay, here she is.
Barney: Okay. Scrolling up. Oh, yeah, those are "plow me" heels. Nice. Uh-huh. The knee bruise is encouraging. Working our way up to those 20-year-old ta-tas. Oh, gravity's cruel grasp hasn't found you yet, my sweet perky miracles. Now, let's get a gander at dirty girl's face. Mm-hmm.
Ted: Her face says, "ready to bone," am I right? I say again, am I right?
Barney: That's my half-sister.
Ted: Then you probably shouldn't scroll to the next picture.
Barney: No!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Ring Up’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go.
Marshall: Why would we care how...
Robin: Usually it's like this.
[fantasy scene of Robin queuing:]
Man #1: After you.
Robin: Aw, thank you.
Man #2: On the house, Robin!
Man #3: [all singing] Take this bagel on the house
Man #4: Have a paper on the house
Man #5: I'd give you a house on the house if I could
All: You're so beautiful Everything in life should be free
Robin: It's so wonderful to be me!
[reality:]
Lily: Wow. Do Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning, too?
[fantasy:]
All: She's exaggerating to make a point!
Quote from Barney
Ted: Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body.
Barney: You're picking now to get some self-respect? You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery.
Ted: That was you.
Barney: [as Sean Connery] Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable.
Quote from Robin
Ted: You guys. You guys will not believe what just happened. On my way here, a taxi jumped the curb and it pinned this old lady, and I-I just went into this, like, crazy adrenaline mode and I somehow lifted it off her.
Lily: Oh, my God, Ted, your wrist.
Ted: Oh, yeah, I guess it's a little swollen. I must've strained it lifting.
Barney: No, I believe our dear friend Lily was referring to your other wrist. The one wearing the male birth control.
Robin: I was gonna go with "chastity bracelet."
Barney: God, is it possible to love you more?