Barney Quote #1048
Quote from Barney in The Playbook
Barney: Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to prepare for tonight's main event. I will be performing "the he's not coming". Glad you asked.
[title card: "The He's Not Coming". flashback to Barney on the observation deck of the Empire State Building:]
Barney: [v.o.] To perform "The He's Not Coming", here's what you'll need, the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Are you up there? Good. For generations, this has been the spot New Yorkers have chosen for their romantic reunions with long-estranged lovers, so all you have to do is walk up to every girl you see and say...
Barney: He's not coming.
Woman #1: What are you talking about?
Barney: Never mind. [to another woman] He's not coming. [Barney gives up when she doesn't respond] [to a third woman] He's not coming. She's not coming? Sorry.
Barney: [v.o.] Until sooner or later...
Barney: He's not coming.
Woman #4: He's not? But we agreed. We always said we'd meet here. On this night. I'm such a fool.
[Barney winks to camera]
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Playbook’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: To more advanced maneuvers like "the Mrs. Stinsfire."
[flashback to a sorority house:]
Woman: Now kappas, after our disciplinary hearing for lewd behavior last semester, we have been assigned a new housemom. I'd like you to meet Mrs. Stinsfire.
Barney: [high-pitched in a Scottish accent] Hello, girls!
[Barney winks to camera; present:]
Marshall: Wow. I can't picture a way that wouldn't work.
Quote from Barney
Barney: The Playbook contains every scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flimflam, stratagem and bamboozle I've ever used, or ever hope to use, to pick up chicks and give them the business.
Quote from Barney
[title card: "The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn":]
Barney: [v.o.] To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of web site design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good. Now, select your target. Preferably a girl with a real nice... Phone.
[at MacLaren's, Barney approaches a woman at the bar who is using her phone]
Barney: [sighs] Yeah, it's me.
Shelly: Do I know you?
Barney: I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
Shelly: Are you, like, famous or something?
Barney: Yes. [chuckles] You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you...
Shelly: Shelly.
Barney: Shelly. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds, two "t"s. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Ciao.
Barney: [v.o.] Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers... A series of fake web sites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's the fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trek to the north pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring the heartbreaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
Barney: Hi, Shelly, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?
Shelly: Yes! Please.
Barney: What does coffee go for these days, $50?
Shelly: Lorenzo.
Barney: [v.o.] And it is on.
[Barney winks to camera]