Tim Quote #149
Quote from Tim in Reach Out and Teach Someone
Tim: Hi, everybody, and welcome to this special edition, "The Ladies of Tool Time". Hey! Normally we get the show going with a big hearty grunt to get those lungs open. Come on, everybody. [grunts] [the audience is silent] [makes monkey noises]
Rose: Where is Irma?
Judith: Yeah, I drove all the way from Langton to see Cooking with Irma.
Tim: Well, settle down for a minute. We played a little trick on you. We took the normal Tool Time audience and they're over watching Cooking with Irma. And we brought you ladies in here for a little treat.
Judith: Hey, I don't care about no tools. I came down here to learn to cook.
Rose: I'm confused. You mean Irma's not going to show us how to make crab curry?
Tim: No. Wha- What's going to happen... I'm gonna show you how to repair three very typical household problems. Oh, a clogged sink, a bad electrical connection, the running toilet.
Rose: Oh, my God.
Tim: Hey, you get to keep those hats. Those hats are yours. Hey, there's the spirit.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Reach Out and Teach Someone’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: We got into this big argument when I tried to teach her some basic plumbing.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Tim: Just simple stuff, you know: coupling, flange, the trap.
Wilson: Well, Tim. I think the problem might be your metamessage.
Tim: That would be "message" with "meta" on the front of it.
Wilson: Yes, sirree Bob. Two Ms, three Es, two As, two Ss, T and a lonely little G.
Tim: You have an awful lot of spare time, don't you, Wilson?
Wilson: You see, Tim, when men teach women, they tend to use complicated, technical terms to make themselves appear superior. Thus saying to the woman "you are inferior".
Quote from Jill
Tim: OK, now put the wrench on the coupling at the end of the trap.
Jill: You mean this thing here?
Tim: No, no, no. That connects the elbow to the drain pipe and the flange.
Jill: "Flange"? Who comes up with all these stupid names?
Tim: I'm sorry, honey. It's the little silvery thingy at the bottom, right down in...
Jill: You don't have to be sarcastic, you know. You're using all these technical terms.
Tim: This is practically baby talk.
Jill: Oh, oh, excuse me. I guess I forgot that Mark's first three words were "Mommy", "Daddy" and "flange".
Quote from Al
Tim: Well, their excuse is, [high-pitched voice] "Well, you know about this stuff. I don't." "I could break a nail." This is an excuse, women. And you're not the type to have excuses. You need to be taught. And I don't think you're stupid just because you don't know anything. No, that didn't come out right. I don't want to get any cards and letters over that, right, Al?
Al: That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time, PO Box 327...
Tim: Al, I think they know the address. Well, this is gonna be different because on next week's show. I've invited a group of women in, and I'm going to teach them basic home repair using a simple language even women can understand.
Al: PO Box 32733...
Tim: No, I didn't mean to give the impression that women are simple. No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it's not a woman's fault that they grew up spending half their time playing with plastic ovens and dolls, and don't know a thing about tools. Right, Al?
[Al holds up a card reading "Tim Taylor, c/o Tool Time, P.O. Box 32733, Detroit, MI 48252-0733"]
Tim: All right, we're going to finish sanding that table now. We've got our belt attached with a rough grip. And we want to plug the thing in now.
Al: Of course, you want to be sure the trigger switch is not locked in the "on" position.
Tim: Any idiot knows that, Al.
[When Tim turns the belt sander on, it shoots across the table. Al once again holds up the Tool Time address card]