Tim Quote #1526
Jill: Well... I think that they're talking out there. I cannot believe he acted that way. He was flirting with every woman in this place.
Tim: Oh, Jill, those women were coming on to him.
Jill: He's like a completely different person.
Tim: Which is good, because usually on Saturday night he's out clog dancing with his mother. He's acting like a normal guy.
Jill: You think it's normal to ignore a woman on your 15-month anniversary?
Tim: I don't think it's normal to celebrate a 15-month anniversary.
Quote from Mark
Wilson: Mark, are you familiar with photons?
Mark: Sure. I slept on one at my friend Jimmy's house.
Wilson: No, no, I think you're speaking of futons.
Quote from Mark
Mark: The teacher gave me a tough one today. It's about money.
Tim: Hm. What's the problem?
Mark: All right. "Sam has $8. Billy has nothing."
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Should use real money. Eight bucks?
Tim: Four, five, six... cool. All right, go ahead.
Mark: All right.
Tim: I'll be Sam. You be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's $4. One, two, three, four.
Mark: Thanks, Sam.
Tim: All right. Now, Billy gives Sam, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's two out of the four. OK.
Mark: One, two.
Tim: That's pretty simple. OK.
Mark: All right. Now, Sam gives Billy, a hundred percent of what he has left.
Tim: All right.
Mark: "...how much does Sam have?"
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam. [walks away with the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a real bright guy, was he?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.