Tim Quote #831
Jill: Tim, knock it off. Al has a very good chance of getting his wish. In fact, I might have somebody to introduce you to.
Tim: Back the lonely-heart mobile up.
Quote from Jill
Tim: What is this?
Jill: Brad and Randy wrote to Mark pretending to be Isiah Thomas.
Mark: It's not from Isiah?
Jill: Mark, no professional basketball player is gonna come to our house to eat corn.
Tim: Especially your mom's corn.
Jill: Honey... Look, you're eight years old now. It's time that we had this talk. Stop being such a sap!
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Why do women meddle in relationships? Men don't care about that.
Wilson: Uh-oh, Tim. You're falling victim to a cultural stereotype. Historically, men have been the primary matchmakers.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Wilson: For example, among the Xhosa Kaffir tribe, a young man's father would choose his first, sometimes even his second, wife in exchange for a sack of barley or a goat.
Tim: I'd hold out for a sack of cash and a Jag.
Wilson: You see, Tim, unlike the ancient matchmakers, who received goods for their services, Jill's motives are much purer. She only wants what's best for Al.
Tim: Yeah, but why does she drag me into it?
Wilson: Who the heck knows? You know women.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.