Tim Quote #41
Wilson: You got a problem?
Tim: Well, it's Jill. I love her. She's the most important thing in my life.
Wilson: What did you do this time, Tim?
Tim: We went out tonight to have a night just by ourselves - real romantic, that kinda stuff - and I spoiled it because of a football game. We won.
Wilson: Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
Tim: I don't know what it is about football and me. I'm obsessed, I think.
Wilson: Well, why do you think that is, Tim?
Tim: I think it's 'cause I love it, Wilson. I love the surprise and the strategy and the strength. The big guys, the logos. The colorful helmets. The shine and the pads and the mouth guards. The cleats and the hit and the impact. The swearing, the sweat... [grunts] Sets me free, Wilson.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Off Sides’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: The point is, you and Jill don't have to understand each other completely. What is important is to share and enjoy the things you both do understand.
Tim: That's exactly what she was talking about, too. Sharing. She wanted to share. But ballroom dancing?
Wilson: Well, why don't you give it a try, Tim? [Tim grumbles] As the ancient Celtic saying goes: never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Honey, would you like to go and watch the game?
Tim: No. No. We were talking about... Uh... [long silence]
Jill: Ballroom dancing.
Tim: Ballroom dancing. That's what it is. [shouting from kitchen]
Jill: So anyway. The lessons are on Tuesday nights. And, uh, it doesn't really cost very much. [shouting from kitchen] And... I've been having an affair with a space alien.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Jill: Yep. I'm... I'm having his baby.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Rick: Touchdown!
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome to the Taylor home. We're about ready to start that second half of this fantastic game. Green Bay Packers. Minnesota Vikings. [grunts] Before we go down to the field. Let's check out that snack situation. Mark, take it away.
Mark: Pretzels, liquorice, pork rinds.
Tim: Yeah. That's three major food groups right there: salt, sugar, lard. Um, all right. Today, I got cold brewskis for me. Ice-cold root brewskis for my boys...
Brad: Dad? Here are the chips.
Tim: You got it, buddy.
Brad: Go long.
Tim: Nice pass, kid. All right. [Tim struggles to open the bag of chips]
Randy: Dad?
Tim: What?
Randy: You're turning all red.
Tim: [bag splits open] [laughs] There's a warning label right there. You shouldn't open these in broad daylight in Detroit. Could cause an explosion. [chuckles]
Jill: Wow. Look at this warning label. Socks may strike husband unexpectedly.
Tim: You could put an eye out like that.