TV Quotes

Wilson: The point is, you and Jill don't have to understand each other completely. What is important is to share and enjoy the things you both do understand.
Tim: That's exactly what she was talking about, too. Sharing. She wanted to share. But ballroom dancing?
Wilson: Well, why don't you give it a try, Tim? [Tim grumbles] As the ancient Celtic saying goes: never give a sword to a man who can't dance.

Jill: Honey, would you like to go and watch the game?
Tim: No. No. We were talking about... Uh... [long silence]
Jill: Ballroom dancing.
Tim: Ballroom dancing. That's what it is. [shouting from kitchen]
Jill: So anyway. The lessons are on Tuesday nights. And, uh, it doesn't really cost very much. [shouting from kitchen] And... I've been having an affair with a space alien.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Jill: Yep. I'm... I'm having his baby.
Tim: Uh-huh.
Rick: Touchdown!

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.