Tim Quote #2298
Jill: Don't worry, honey. Everything is fine. We have everything...
Tim & Jill: [both] ...under control.
Jill: [to Tim] What do we do?
Tim: You had three boys. You should know.
Jill: Excuse me. If you remember, I was in a teensy bit of pain at the time.
Tim: All I remember is a lot of screaming and whatever sounds you were making.
Quote from Tim
Al: Well, what about black?
Tim & Sparky: [both] Boring!
Tim: Unless it's a satin black.
Sparky: Oh, satin black. All right. If he was thinking that. Or matte. But you know the color I really want to deal with with this car?
Tim: I think I know where you're going.
Sparky: Remember, we were at the Vegas show... The hottest color at the Vegas show?
Tim & Sparky: [both] Periwinkle!
Al: We'll be back after words from Binford: tools for men who talk like men.
Quote from Tim
Tim: What we're doing is something unusual. This is five-time award-winning hot rod, "The Road Rat." We're gonna reupholster.
Al: All right, Sparky, what color seat would go well with this car?
Sparky: Well, wrong question here, Al. What we want to ask ourselves - is how we coordinate all of the color.
Tim: Right, you gotta think tones and tints, compromising, contrasting, complementary colors. You gotta think that way, Al.
Al: All right. What color seat would go with this purple car?
Sparky: Ooh, no, see, that's not a purple car, Al. This is fuchsia. Now, cream matches up very well with fuchsia, wouldn't you say, Tim?
Tim: Eh... How about a soft taupe? It would make the bills pop right out of the dashboard.
Sparky: Taupe, taupe, taupe. Yes. Very subtle, very simple. Yes.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.