Wilson Quote #275
Quote from Wilson in Alarmed by Burglars
Jill: Well, this week would qualify as a complete disaster. I just wish we could scale this thing back. But I can't ask Tim to do that after he's put all this effort into it.
Wilson: Well, why don't you present him with a petition signed by all his neighbors who are sleep-deprived?
Jill: Wilson, you know nobody in this neighborhood ever signs anything.
Wilson: Well, Jill, there's always a first time. [unfurls a petition]
Tim: [comes outside] All right, all right. I think I've got the inside sensors figured out. Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Hey.
Tim: What do you got there?
Wilson: This is a petition from all the neighbors angry about your security system.
Tim: Joe Paduro? That guy lives, like, four blocks away.
Wilson: Well, I think he's still angry about being hit by the spaghetti.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Alarmed by Burglars’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: How could you let Tim put in such a ridiculous alarm system?
Jill: Well, it was actually my idea.
Wilson: Your idea?
Jill: Yeah. After you got robbed, I got scared. I started imaging horrible things happening to the family. Crazy people lurking behind every door, scaring the kids, taking all our stuff.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And you thought that by putting in a state-of-the-art alarm system, you'd no longer be afraid.
Jill: Well, yeah. But now all I'm afraid of is setting off this insane system!
Wilson: Well, Jill, I wouldn't worry about it. As the physicist Edward Teller told me over borscht at the Russian Tea Room, total security has never been available to anyone. To expect it is unrealistic. To imagine that it can exist is an invite to disaster.
Quote from Al
Tim: Guys, I'm serious. I'm serious. I think it's time "The Tool Man" just scaled back a bit.
Benny: Yeah, right. That would be like Babe Ruth bunting.
Marty: Raquel Welch wearing a parka.
Harry: Benny picking up a check.
Al: It would be like my mother going to a buffet and only having a salad. Did I say that?
Quote from Jill
Jill: Look, if this can happen to Wilson, it can happen to us! I want floodlights, surveillance cameras, uh, uh, uh...
panic buttons, uh, uh, the works, everything!
Tim: You know, I am... I am getting very excited. I hope this isn't just a big tease.
Jill: I am not teasing you. I am turning you loose to buy the biggest, most powerful security system that money can buy.
Tim: [groans] Ohh...
Jill: I will even allow you to do a Tool Time remote in the house.
Tim: I have never loved you as much as I do at this moment.