Tim: Hey, Wilson. Am I losing my mind? Or do I hear crickets in the middle of winter?
Wilson: Well, you certainly do, neighbor. I brought my pet crickets out to serenade me.
Tim: Wilson, have you ever had a normal pet?
Wilson: Well, I had a marmoset once. But my ocelot ate it.
Tim: You're one odd duck, Wilson.
Wilson: I had one of those. Ocelot got it, too.

Tim: Put away the fish, get out your bowling shoes. We're going bowling and dinner with Bud and his wife tonight.
Jill: Tonight? I can't go tonight. I have that lecture for my Abnormal Psych class.
Tim: You don't have to go to that. You know what they're going to say. "There's a lot of crazy people out there and there's nothing we can do about it."
Jill: You're living proof of that.

Jill: You say that you need me by your side. And then you don't even treat me like a person. You acted like I was just one of your appendages.
Tim: Well, forgive me for thinking my career's important.
Jill: Apparently, that's all you think is important.
Tim: Oh, that's not true. Where you hit me with the bowling ball I find quite important too.
Jill: Well, that's OK. Because I think it's gonna have plenty of time to heal!