Jill Quote #442
Quote from Jill in What You See is What You Get
Ilene: All right, let me try. I bet you those aren't even real.
Jill: They're a lot more real than some I've been seeing lately.
Ilene: Excuse me?
Jill: Oh, I'm doing research for that article on plastic surgery. You know what, I even have this computer program that shows you how you can change your appearance. You gotta see this. You can change your lips, your butt, your thighs, your waist, anything. Here, let me... Yeah, well... OK, watch this. That's amazing. Now watch this. If you press B, your breasts just get bigger and more torpedo-like.
Ilene: Ew, isn't that gross?
Home Improvement Quotes
‘What You See is What You Get’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: She had this computer simulation that showed some cosmetic surgeon's alterations to her body. It reminded me of when she was young, when I first met her. I kinda liked it. Then, like a bonehead, I asked what it would cost to overhaul her whole body.
Wilson: Whoa, major faux pas.
Tim: Major Faux Pas... Was he in the same campaign as General Wow?
Wilson: Tim, I'm not familiar with General Wow, but your situation reminds me of The Naked Ape. [Tim grunts] That is the one exactly, Tim. You see, The Naked Ape is a book which theorizes that men, like apes, are instinctively drawn to younger, more fertile women in order to propagate the species.
Tim: What's Mrs. Naked Ape attracted to?
Wilson: Well, unlike the male of the species, she instinct is be attracted to someone older and more experienced. Someone with more wisdom, sensitivity.
Tim: Wait a minute. What you're saying is if I explain to Jill it was just my instincts talking, I'd be off the hook.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. What I'm trying to say is you have to learn to understand your instincts, and then you won't be on the hook in the first place.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, sure.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Wow!
Jill: What?
Tim: Wow!
Jill: Are you saying you think I'd look good like that?
Tim: No. It was a general wow.
Jill: General wow?
Tim: The famous Chinese military guy, General Wow...
Quote from Jill
Tim: Fuses in, wired up. I'm gonna try the horn. Cover your ears, Mark. [lights go on]
Mark: Aah! Dad, the horn is blinding me!
Tim: Just a crossed wire, son.
Jill: That's what it's gonna say on your tombstone - "It was just a crossed wire."