Tim Quote #1216
Quote from Tim in What You See is What You Get
Tim: A lot of us have tables like this around the house. A little beat-up, nicks, scratches, stains all over it.
Al: That's right. So what you wanna do is sand it down... with a normal-size sander. Refinish it, you'll have yourself a brand-new table.
Tim: I can't do this to this table.
Al: It's all right, Tim. I'll do it.
Tim: No. I am surprised and shocked that you're so superficial.
Al: What are you talking...? You're superficial!
Tim: Maybe on the surface. Tool Time isn't just about home improvement. It's also about male improvement. You see, man, by nature, is just a naked ape, chain-smoking salmon. Now, our instincts would be to make this table new, make it look new with plastic filler in all the nicks. What we should do is learn to appreciate the natural beauty inherent in this wood, and over the years, it's become nothing but deeper, richer and warmer. And more interesting.
Al: What are you saying, Tim?
Tim: I'm saying this table is perfect the way it is.
Al: So our project today is to stand here and stare at this table.
Tim: No. We could pour oil on it, rub it affectionately and show the table how we love it. Rub with me, Al.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘What You See is What You Get’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: She had this computer simulation that showed some cosmetic surgeon's alterations to her body. It reminded me of when she was young, when I first met her. I kinda liked it. Then, like a bonehead, I asked what it would cost to overhaul her whole body.
Wilson: Whoa, major faux pas.
Tim: Major Faux Pas... Was he in the same campaign as General Wow?
Wilson: Tim, I'm not familiar with General Wow, but your situation reminds me of The Naked Ape. [Tim grunts] That is the one exactly, Tim. You see, The Naked Ape is a book which theorizes that men, like apes, are instinctively drawn to younger, more fertile women in order to propagate the species.
Tim: What's Mrs. Naked Ape attracted to?
Wilson: Well, unlike the male of the species, she instinct is be attracted to someone older and more experienced. Someone with more wisdom, sensitivity.
Tim: Wait a minute. What you're saying is if I explain to Jill it was just my instincts talking, I'd be off the hook.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. What I'm trying to say is you have to learn to understand your instincts, and then you won't be on the hook in the first place.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, sure.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Wow!
Jill: What?
Tim: Wow!
Jill: Are you saying you think I'd look good like that?
Tim: No. It was a general wow.
Jill: General wow?
Tim: The famous Chinese military guy, General Wow...
Quote from Jill
Tim: Fuses in, wired up. I'm gonna try the horn. Cover your ears, Mark. [lights go on]
Mark: Aah! Dad, the horn is blinding me!
Tim: Just a crossed wire, son.
Jill: That's what it's gonna say on your tombstone - "It was just a crossed wire."