Tim Quote #1082
Quote from Tim in The Colonel
Tim: You know, Tool Time is not just about home improvement. It's also about male improvement. So, continuing our male improvement series, Al and I are gonna talk about men and their shoes.
Al: That's right. We'll be delving into shoe repair and shoe shining.
Tim: Not to mention shoe trees. [holds up a picture of a tree with shoes on its branches] And shoehorns. [holds up a picture of Al playing a shoe] Anyway, here's a pair of wing tips over here that have certainly seen better days.
Al: Now, when you have a shoe this damaged, you wanna take it down to the original leather using rubbing alcohol.
Tim: Right. Then for the rough spots, use a little leather dye. Polish her up, you got a shoe as good as new. Now, remember, when you're using shoe polish, use a little bit of water. It'll make that shine really spectacular.
Al: That's right. Then you wanna buff it with a cloth diaper.
Tim: Make sure you remove the baby first, though.
Al: This will give your shoe a sheen for sure.
Tim: You don't shay.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘The Colonel’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Col. Patterson: Where do you get off criticizing me in the first place? What do you know about the military?
Jill: You see, this is why I didn't wanna tell you. Because I knew that you would overreact. You always do. That's why nobody can ever tell anything.
Col. Patterson: What are you talking about?
Jill: When we were growing up, we weren't allowed to tell you anything that might upset you.
Col. Patterson: Oh, really? Then why the hell was I upset so much?!
Quote from Jill
Jill: Because I wasn't totally honest with you before. Daddy, this is really hard for me to say, but... the book is... is just really not very good.
Col. Patterson: Then why'd you say you loved it?
Jill: Because that's what you wanted to hear.
Col. Patterson: Don't tell me what I wanted to hear. I want to hear the truth!
Jill: Well, I'm telling it to you now.
Col. Patterson: Fine! You didn't like the book. I'm gonna get the boys. We'll be back at 1300 hours.
Tim: What time is that?
Col. Patterson: It's 1:00! Why is that so difficult for you to understand? Every private in the army gets it by the end of the first day!
Jill: Daddy, I'm really sorry that I upset you, but...
Col. Patterson: I'm not upset! If I were upset I'd be yelling!
Quote from Jill
Tim: Shouldn't your dad be here?
Jill: Well, you know the colonel. If he says he'll be here at 1700 hours, he means 1700 hours sharp.
Tim: 1700 hours. What time is that again?
Jill: 5:00. I've been trying to teach you military time for 15 years. Now, listen to this. You subtract 12 if it's a double-digit number greater than 12. If it's a single-digit number, it's the actual time. If it's a double-digit number that's less than or equal to 12, then that's also the actual time. Have you got that?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Hmm.
Tim: I wish your mom was coming. At least she speaks civilian.
Jill: Me too. She said she needed a break from Dad. She wants to have one week where she doesn't have to get up before dawn and raise the flag.