Marie: You know, Jill, I think you should take this Rose thing seriously. I'm in therapy, so I know for a fact there are a lot of nuts out there.
Jill: But why would anyone be obsessed with Tim?
Tim: Because I'm very obsessable.
Jill: Oh, Tim. I'm married to you, and I barely think about you.
Tim: Jill, you think this is real funny, don't you? There could be a woman out there fantasizing about me right now.
Jill: Oh, what is she fantasizing, that you come over to her house late at night, bring some wine and blow up her garbage disposal?

Tim: [on the phone] Operator? What's the number for 911? Slow down. [knock at door] Jill?
Woman: [o.s.] Guess again. It's Rose.
Tim: I'll... be right there. I'm just going to fix my face. Ugh. Come on in. Come on.
[Tim screams as a woman in red approaches him from the bathroom]
Tim: Aah!
Al: [takes off the red veil] Trick or treat! [whopping and laughter]
Jill: You look beautiful!
Al: That was a great trick!
Jill: The king of Halloween is dead. Long live the queen.

Tim: Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-dee-ho and boo, good neighbor.
Tim: Hey, let me ask you a question. Let's say you wanted my phone number. How would you get it?
Wilson: Well, I already have your phone number.
Tim: I know. What if you didn't have it?
Wilson: I suppose I'd just ask you for it.
Tim: What if you didn't know me?
Wilson: Then why would I want to call you?
Tim: Boy, I wish I was friendly with some of the other neighbors around here.