Tim Quote #431
Quote from Tim in Groin Pains
Tim: Al, what are we up to today?
Al: Well, Tim, today we're gonna be showing you how to patch up your sidewalk or driveway. And to do that we're gonna need to mix up some concrete.
Tim: That's right, concrete. Cement, sand, gravel and water. A man's Play-Doh. Ha-ha. The best place to get concrete, of course, is a cement truck. But, of course, none of us have a cement truck. But we'd all like one, wouldn't we? Who wouldn't want 65,000 pounds out of a hydraulic diesel-powered truck, oh yeah. Ten-yarder, 15 chutes spitting water and gravel, churn... [grunts] Ow. But quite frankly, who needs 65,000 pounds of cement? Nobody. Not unless you have your mother-in-law visiting and you want to make her some Loafers. [laughs] Just kidding, Nana. Speaking of loafers, Al, why don't we mix up that concrete?
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Groin Pains’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Mark: Do you have to go to the bathroom, Dad?
Tim: I don't think I... I don't think I'm ever gonna go to the bathroom again. Oh!
Mark: What happened?
Tim: I pulled my groin.
Mark: What's that?
Tim: My very favorite muscle.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Well, Wilson, I'm confused. You know, I'm carrying this trunk of books and I find out she likes these books about all these guys with rippling muscles, you know, so I wanted to, you know, show her my rippling muscles and these guys end up carrying women off upstairs to ecstasy and I pull a groin muscle.
Wilson: Well, Tim, Tim, Tim, I think you've got something over these young guys.
Tim: You do?
Wilson: Uh-huh. Yes, it's best summed up in an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes: [speaks Chinese]
Tim: W-w-wait, wait... Is that Peking dialect?
Wilson: I am so sorry, Tim. It may lose a bit in the translation, but it goes: "A great lover is not one who romances a different woman every night. A great lover is one who romances the same woman for a lifetime."
Tim: That's something to think about, isn't it? Is there anything you don't know, Wilson?
Wilson: I don't know.
Quote from Al
Tim: What happened is I pulled a groin muscle yesterday at home. I went to the doc's this morning. He said I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy. So we have to change the format of the show a little bit today. You're gonna have to do all the work.
Al: And what would the change be, Tim?