Tim Quote #385
Quote from Tim in Read My Hips
Jill: [answers phone] Hello.
Tim: [as Pete throws a peanut at his head] Hey, butthead.
Jill: Excuse me?
Tim: Honey, you're not a butthead, of course. I got hit with a peanut.
Jill: Tim, where are you?
Tim: I'm down at Big Mike's with the guys from K&B.
Jill: Well, I thought you said this morning that you were coming right home.
Tim: Yeah, I know I said that, but we had a great show so we stopped by for a few beers. Is that all right?
Jill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. That sounds like fun. Uh... But I want you to know that I'm really looking forward to seeing you.
Tim: Oh, same here, you know. I'll be home real soon. 15 minutes tops. I'm on my... [Rock hands Tim a beer] on my way out the door right now. Set your timer.
Jill: OK. I'm just gonna be listening to a little... Billie Holiday.
Tim: Yeah, I'm comin' right home.
Jill: I'll be waiting.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Read My Hips’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: Why don't you just ever tune in to me?
Tim: What am I supposed to do? Read your mind? At least when I want something, it's pretty clear what it is I want.
Jill: Well, that's true, Tim. Your signals are real clear. You crush a beer can on your head, that means, "I need another one." You belch... [belches] that's, "I'm done." And, "Honey, I took a shower," that's, "Wake up, I'm ready."
Quote from Al
Tim: Thank you very much and welcome to Tool Time. I'm your host, of course, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you all know my assistant Al "I can't find a better job" Borland. [chuckles] Anyway, all this week Al and I will be doin' our salute to safety, 'cause, after all, Al, a safe workplace is a happy workplace. Right?
Al: I wouldn't know, Tim.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Safety on the job site is a priority. That's why proper equipment is essential. Custom-designed hard hat. [hits Al's hard hat] And proper safety goggles to protect your eyes from unexpected objects. [Al blocks Tim's hand as he goes for his goggles] Anyway, these goggles are specially coated to reduce glare and prevent scratching. [scratches Al's goggles]
Al: And they're vented for your added comfort.
Tim: And so is Al. Anyway, the important thing here is safety on the job site. And safety starts at a little spot right here. You must have direct and clear communication between your coworkers. Al, look out! See? See? Had this been a real emergency, Al would be safe because I gave him a clear and direct signal. And as Al's coworker, I'm concerned with his safety. Just as Al is concerned with mine. Right, Al?
Al: What's your point, Tim?
Tim: Good direct question. My point is, I don't think women are as clear with their signals as men. I know they're not. On a job site, for instance, if a man holds up a stop sign, he means, "Hey, stop there!" If a woman holds up the stop sign... If she designed this, it'd say: "If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now."