TV Quotes

Tim Allen: For a show like this to be successful, everyone has to have a... A role, like on deck. I was the man that kept the boat on course, straight and narrow, always heading towards the sun.

Tim Allen: I'm like a second father to the boys, you know? I used to bounce them on my knee, you know, wipe their noses...
Taran Smith: He really taught us all the important things in life. Grunting, burping...
Tim Allen: Proper spit technique. How to hock a loogie.
Zachary Ty Bryan: We'd play games. He would read us stories. He would sew us little outfits.
Patricia Richardson: Ha!
Zachary Ty Bryan: I'm gonna miss that.

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.