Murray: No, if you two want to be adults, you're gonna have to learn how not to spend. Look at me. I haven't spent in the past 20 years.
Barry: Those are the only pants I've ever seen you wear.
Murray: Just got the one. Don't even fit right.
Barry: So you saved money on pants. Your wife is a shopaholic. All Mom ever does is spend money on hair spray and bags of shredded cheese.
Murray: Exactly. In every marriage, you've got a spender and a saver. That way, it all evens out.

Barry: Well, I love Lainey more than anything, so I'll take the bullet. Baby, I'm gonna be the penny-pinching cheapskate just like my garbage bag of a father.
Lainey: No. Barry, he's the worst.
Barry: He truly is, and I will lower myself to his hideous, carbuncled depths for our love.
Lainey: It just fills my heart that you'd sink so unbelievably low for me.
Barry: It's literally impossible to sink any lower. I love you.
Murray: I am super angry, but, also, I've never been more proud.

Murray: Okay. Here's a list of everything you need to know to save a buck. And, as an extra incentive, for every dollar you save in this house, I put it right in your nest egg.
Barry: Yes! I'm gonna be a savings tycoon.
Murray: Okay. Well, number-one drain on your wallet, air conditioning.
Barry: Really? Since when?
Murray: Oh, my God! That's why I'm always screaming about the thermostat.
Barry: You do?
Murray: That's all I do!
Barry: I've honestly never heard you say anything about the thermostat, ever.

Murray: You people really don't listen.
Barry: But I'm almost listening now.
Murray: Good. Because this next one's a biggie: electricity. No more highfalutin microwave.
Barry: But heating up a pizza in the oven takes six more agonizing minutes.
Murray: Would you rather have a slow pizza or money for more pizza?
Barry: Hold on. Are you saying if I save money, I'll have more of it?
Murray: It seems obvious, but yes.

Murray: Okay, next, always save water.
Barry: Wait, isn't water free 'cause God makes it?
Murray: No, dumb-dumb. A water bill can cost a fortune. So get used to cold showers, dry-brushing your teeth, and only flushing in emergencies.
Barry: How do you know if it's an emergency?
Murray: Oh, you'll know.

Beverly: Just capturing my schmoopie's first day on the job.
Erica: Wait. What are you wearing?
Beverly: What do you me- Oh, this? Oh, it's just an old sweater I had laying around. I bought it at the store. I didn't stay up all night making it.
Erica: Stop doing what you're doing. You are not to show up at my work and embarrass me with your mommish lame-osity like you always do.

Erica: Geoff, stop rearranging my nail polish.
Geoff: But you're gonna love my new system.
Erica: Forget that. They just opened a karaoke place in Jenkintown.
Geoff: Kara-what?
Erica: Oke. It's the ancient Japanese art of singing other people's pop songs.
Geoff: Well, what if you don't know the words?
Erica: You don't have to. They give them to you on a video monitor over vaguely scenic images of Asian models frolicking in the ocean.
Geoff: But what if you can't sing and have crippling stage fright?
Erica: Well, that doesn't apply to me, therefore it's a dumb question, so let's go.
Geoff: Well, you said nothing to make me feel better, but I sense your enthusiasm, so let's do this.

Erica: Guess who got a job. [Murray hugs Erica] Oh. We're hugging just like that? You don't even want to know what it is?
Murray: You said all I need to know: job.
Erica: I'm working at Gary-Oke's. It's a karaoke bar where people sing...
Murray: I don't care.
Beverly: Oh, do I hear hugging?
Murray: Erica got a job.
Beverly: Ooh, where?
Murray: Teriyaki's.
Erica: Gary-Oke's.
Murray: It's one of those places where they chop up shrimp and throw it, but it doesn't matter 'cause you're gonna be making money. Hoo-hoo!

Erica: It's just a karaoke place where people sing. It's no big deal.
Beverly: Oh, it's the biggest deal. And you know Mama Bear's gonna be right there in the front row cheering you on.
Erica: Or you stay as far away as possible.
Beverly: Or we get onstage together and sing a Streisand duet guaranteed to wow the crowd.
Erica: Or you stay home with your lame mom music, and I go onstage solo and sing an actual crowd-pleaser - like "Jessie's Girl."
Beverly: Or... [sings] You know I wish that I hugged Bevy's girl Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
Erica: How do you know that song?
Beverly: Where can I find a schmoopie like that?

Pops: What you watching, kiddos?
Adam: This is "Rad," the story of an awesome BMX biker named Cru Jones who enters a corrupt promoter's nationally televised cash-prize race.
Barry: This movie has it all: rad BMX bikers on rad BMX bikes doing rad BMX biking.
Adam: It's why they called it "Rad." They literally had no choice.