Todd: Push it out. Two more. Come on, kid. Bitchin' reps.
Dr. Cox: A dumb-ass says what?
Todd: What?
Dr. Cox: I said, "A dumb-ass says what?"
Todd: What?

Todd: Speaking of things that are perfectly fine... That was a compliment. Why won't any women talk to me?
Nurse: Because you're slimy and turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: Not true.
Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre. Please. [Todd and Turk high-five]

J.D.: Thanks for letting us crash here, man.
Todd: The Todd's not accustomed to receiving gentleman callers.
J.D.: Okay. Oh, cool picture. Which one of those guys is you?
Todd: Oh, I don't swim. So there's only one rule if you're gonna stay at "El Casa de Todd". You got to hammock up.
J.D.: Oh, I don't have one of those, Todd.
Todd: No problem. What are you, about a medium?
J.D.: Extra-medium.
Todd: This will work. And it'll look good, too.

Carla: Ugh, my breasts are so sore. I wish I could just give you formula.
Todd: [o.s.] Formula's bad for the baby. Boob milk's healthier!

Turk: I'm sorry but that mother should not be giving her little girl a breast implant for her sweet sixteen present.
Todd: So she's sixteen. What's the big deal, T. Dog?
Turk: Well, I have a daughter. Imagine being a parent.
[fantasy: a salt and pepper-haired Todd is reading a newspaper in his banana-hammock when his similarly-dressed son comes to talk to him:]
Rod: Dad, can I talk to you?
Todd: What's up?
Rod: I don't want to wear a banana hammock anymore.
Todd: Rod why?
Rod: Because I stuff.
Todd: Wanna know a secret?
Rod: I stuff too.
[The Scrubs sad theme plays as the almost naked father and son hug]
[reality:]
Todd: I don't stuff.
Snoop Dogg Resident: Maybe you should.

Turk: Can't stop thinking about Mr. Weinberg's testicles.
Todd: Dude.
Turk: I mean, I almost removed one of them, Todd.
Todd: Which one?
Turk: Like it matters.
Todd: Oh, it matters.

Janitor: Who's ready for a pie break?
J.D.: No.
Janitor: Come on. Why not?
J.D.: Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an IV drip for 36 hours.
Todd: Make it stop 5.

Todd: The vascular surgeon on call said to say you could pick up your patient this evening. He also said to say he could give you a loaner patient if you needed someone to butcher until then, but I didn't really get it.
Dr. Townshend: No one expects you to, son.
Todd: Okay, thanks.

Dr. Cox: And what about you there, Beavis?
Todd: Oh, uh
[flashback:]
Woman: You know, doctor, I'm getting a little tired of the sexual innuendo.
Todd: In your endo.
[present:]
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's great stuff.

Todd: Hot Doc, 3 o'clock. I mean 5 o'clock. Over there.
Turk: Todd. Todd, let's get off on the right foot.
Dr. Miller: Hey, it might just be 'cause my expectations are low, but you guys did not suck in surgery yesterday.
Todd: Well, as long as your expectations are low, maybe we should have sex.
Turk: Perfect.
Dr. Miller: I'm concerned about you. I think you hold us women responsible for the fact that your mommy didn't pay attention to you, and if you don't get help, you'll eventually start picking up prostitutes and killing them.
Elliot: I've always wanted to say that to him!
Dr. Miller: Well, now you don't have to. Ha-ha-ha.
Todd: She just talked to me like I'm an idiot.
Turk: Hot chick, 12 o'clock.
[Todd looks up at the ceiling]