J.D.: [v.o.] I wish there was an easier way to bring bad news to people.
[fantasy:]
Man: So what's wrong with me doc?
J.D.: Mr. Gubard, I think it would be best if we brought in the bad news robot.
Robot: Hello, random patient. You have cancer. Press 1 for a reassuring pep talk. Press 2 to give up. You pressed 1 for a reassuring pep talk. You are strong. You can beat this. Beat this, beat this, beat this, beat this. [explodes]
J.D.: Stupid robot!
Robot: Ow.
[later:]
J.D.: I'm so sorry but your father has had a massive system's failure.
Young Robot: Oh daddy, no.
J.D.: It started in his hard drive and then worked its way to all the other circuits. I know this is a very difficult time for you.
[The young robot fires a laser beam at J.D., incinerating him. The robot comes over and vacuums J.D.'s ashes up]
[reality:]
J.D.: Sure, disintegrate the messenger.

Carla: Checking in on her?
Elliot: Just want to make sure she knows how much I care about her.
Carla: As long as you're not saying goodbye. I mean, people have come back from worse. Remember Mr.
Chuang? Slipped into a coma in 1984, woke up last month.
[flashback to a moonwalking patient, wearing a "Thriller" jacket and white glove, solving a Rubik's cube:]
Mr. Chuang: Hey, ladies. Where's the beef?

Dr. Cox: So, Bob, uh, how's Laverne doing?
Dr. Kelso: No change. She's still unresponsive. Are you on call tonight or will you be busy fighting Superman? You look like Lex Luthor.
Dr. Cox: I got it.

Ted: You know, she once told me I'd have a happy life. And she said it with a straight face.

Todd: You were the one woman I'd never do, cause I respect you too much. And you're kind of a big gal. But if doing you right now could help, I would.

Carla: That's it, no more goodbyes, okay? She's not getting any better, but she is not getting any worst either. No more.
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] Mmm-hmm! I sure love it when you get your sass on, girl.

Jordan: How is she? How's the baby?
Dr. Matthews: We got your daughter into the NICU and her lungs are great. Like we discussed, she'll need another surgery in a couple of moths, but all in all, everything is better than we could have hoped for.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Doc, we're not comfortable letting people see our emotional moments, so if you just turn around for a second, that'll be great.
[Dr. Cox and Jordan fist-bump]
Jordan: Okay, we're good.

Jordan: Per, I am drugged upon painkillers, I've ironed my hair, I've got that brand new picture of the baby, I am ready for the flood of well-wishers.
Dr. Cox: Uh, buttercup, this is not our child.
Jordan: Yeah, our still looks like a lizard. I got this off the internet. I think it's some baby that Luke Wilson had with a hooker.
Dr. Cox: Fantastic. I'm gonna go and spread the word.
Jordan: Look at you, squish-nose.

Dr. Cox: I'm not telling anyone that my daughter has been born.
Jordan: But you just told Jordan that you gonna.
Dr. Cox: Yes, and that's what we call a lie, or when you're married communication. Come on, Newbie, you and I both know Laverne is not gonna be around a whole lot longer. And I know this reasoning is about as rational as your parents actually thinking they could raise you as a boy, but... I don't want the birth of my child to be forever associated with her death. That's why I'm not gonna tell anybody anything until after she passes.

Carla: Would you just do me a favor and go away?
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] I'm an extension of your psyche. All you have to do is close your eyes and think me away.
Carla: Okay. [closes eyes, opens them] I can see your crouching under the table.
Nurse Roberts: Damn.