Adrian Monk: I'm sweating. Look, I'm sweating, okay! I'm human. Not particularly proud of it. I'm human, okay? Oh, this is it. This is where it ends. This is it. Surrounded by dirt. Covered in dirt. You win, dirt! Congratulations, dirt! Well played. Oh, Natalie, you were right. You called it. I'm dying alone. I don't want to die alone. I want people. People! There, I said it. I like people. Give me a chance! Just give me once more chance. I'll be nice. I'll be good. I'll be- I'll be empathetic. I'll be the empathetic detective. Just- Just send me some people! Please! I need people. People. People!
UFO Enthusiast: There he is!
Adrian Monk: Not these people.

Adrian Monk: Hello, again. Hello. Hello, again. I have some good news. The object we saw was not a UFO. It was just a toy. A remote control model designed by a man who murdered his sister. You'll read all about it tomorrow in the newspaper. So you can all go, now. Please, go home. Please. Stop wasting your time. Live life. Find, you know, employment and fall in love. You're human. Right? It's a gift. It's a precious, precious thing. You want to appreciate it. Okay, thank you.
Natalie: Wow, Mr. Monk, good for you. That was great. You were sensitive and respectful. That's the nicest thing I've ever seen-
Adrian Monk: Anyone?
Natalie: Not anyone, but you. The nicest thing I've ever seen you do.

Adrian Monk: Is there a problem?
Male UFO Enthusiast: You're not fooling anyone?
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Body Suit Man: We don't believe a word of that.
Male UFO Enthusiast: Yeah, that was no model. And it's obviously a cover-up. You're just trying to manipulate us.
Body Suit Man: We want the truth.
Adrian Monk: Okay. [stilted] Earth people of the net, you were right. I am not human. I traveled here to your, how do you say? Planet. On a class four intergalactic doom freighter.
Business Woman: I knew it!
Adrian Monk: I was sent to, you know, prepare the way and to [raises hand] observe things and probe things and do alien things to everyone.

Adrian Monk: Are you mad at me? You're mad at me. I'm a detective. I can tell. I didn't do anything wrong.
Natalie: You didn't do anything. That's the problem.You didn't say a single word all night. I don't understand. Why did you want to come? You begged me to invite you.
Adrian Monk: I didn't want to be alone. You were gonna be gone all weekend.
Natalie: It's embarrassing. Those people are my oldest friends. Everybody thought you were sick or something. You just walked around rearranging spoons and plates and sweeping up crumbs. I mean, couldn't you have at least tried?
Adrian Monk: I tried. I smiled. I smiled a lot.
Natalie: You were wincing!
Adrian Monk: That's my smile. That's how I smile. I'm just not a people person.
Natalie: But what does that mean? What does that mean? You're not human? Actually you know what? That would explain a lot. It wouldn't explain everything, but it would explain a lot.

Natalie: Did you hear that?
Adrian Monk: That can't be good. Why are we in this car?
Natalie: I told you Julie borrowed my car. She's moving some furniture.
Adrian Monk: We are in the wrong car. - This is the wrong car!
Natalie: Well, it's too late now!

Natalie: It's not the radiator hose.
Adrian Monk: What about that?
Natalie: That's the radiator hose. It's not that. It's not the battery. It's not the alternator.
Adrian Monk: What about that?
Natalie: That's the radiator hose, Mr. Monk. You keep pointing to the same thing. Here. Call for help.
Adrian Monk: It says "no signal."
Natalie: Well, then go try over there.

Natalie: Everybody needs their eyes checked.
Adrian Monk: Stop saying that. I don't need glasses. I definitely saw something. It was some kind of aircraft.
Natalie: I'm sure you did, Mr. Monk. I mean, at least you think you did.

Boom Boom: It knocked out one, two, three routing switches. Fried some wiring. It's gonna run you 300, parts and labor.
Natalie: Well, when will it be ready?
Boom Boom: Tomorrow if you're lucky.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me. Is there an air force base around here?
Boom Boom: An air force base? Can't say there is, because there ain't.
Adrian Monk: Weather station?
Boom Boom: No. We got a new putt-putt course out on Highway 9.
Adrian Monk: You're probably wondering why I'm asking.
Boom Boom: Not particularly.

Adrian Monk: I saw something in the sky last night. Some kind of hovering thing.
Boom Boom: A hovering thing? Like a flying saucer?
Adrian Monk: Not a saucer, no. Okay, yes. Yes, it was sort of saucer-shaped. I know that sounds crazy.
Boom Boom: Not to me. I saw a ghost once.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Boom Boom: What?
Adrian Monk: Not the same thing.
Boom Boom: I saw a ghost. It was in my stepfather's barn.
Adrian Monk: Right, right.
Boom Boom: What you saw was real but I didn't see a ghost?
Adrian Monk: There's a difference. I'm not you. I- I make my living up here. See, with my head.

Boom Boom: You're calling me stupid.
Natalie: No. No, that's not what he meant.
Boom Boom: Well, maybe I'm not smart enough to fix your car.
Natalie: No, no, no, no. Sir, sir, sir. Mister, mister... Boom. What my friend meant to say.
Adrian Monk: No, no. You can fix the car. You're car smart.
Boom Boom: I'm car smart? Is that what you just said?
Adrian Monk: I don't remember.
Boom Boom: Okay, you know what? Here's my new estimate. $800.
Natalie: You just said 300!
Boom Boom: Well, I must've added the numbers wrong. I was confused. You see, I'm not really smart up here. I'll go write it up.