Ginsberg: [on the phone] That is an outrage! Where is this high school, Iran?
Malcolm: It's okay. I don't want to do anything; I just wanted some information.
Ginsberg: You want information? The Constitution exists. Your teachers might as well take a leak on the American flag... which actually is a case I defended, but that's not the point. If these fascists need a lawsuit to wake them up, then... Malcolm, what's the name of your school?
Malcolm: My school? It doesn't have a name... and I'm not really a student there. [chuckles] I was just prank calling you. Ha, ha. Fooled you. [hangs up]

Malcolm: That guy was nuts. I didn't want anything to do with him. I hung up before he could figure out where I was calling from.
Stevie: Unless... he has... Caller I.D.
Principal Block: [over bullhorn] Attention, students. Attention, students. As you know, we publish a literary magazine called The Crystal Ship. [murmurs of confusion] Well, we do. This morning, I received word that the ACLU has filed a lawsuit to force us to publish an extraordinarily obscene essay. [applause] The school district's lawyers have given us a choice. We can either turn our high school into an adult bookstore, or we can cancel all extracurricular activities. Therefore, the football team is hereby canceled. The debate team is hereby canceled. The drama club, canceled. The glee club, canceled. The prom, canceled.
Cheerleader: No!
Principal Block: If any of you wish to find the student editor, Malcolm, and thank him for this, you'll find his class schedule posted outside my office.
[Stevie rolls away from Malcolm]

Francis: Otto, stop! Just stop all of this. This isn't work! This isn't science! This is dancing! Stop thinking. Stop watching tapes. And take off the waltz-trainer! [music plays] Feel the music. Look into my eyes.
Otto: But I...
Francis: Shh!
Otto: But Gretchen...
Francis: Shh. Forget Gretchen. Forget the past and its failures, the future and its hopes. The world is gone.
Right now all that exists is you... and me and the waltz.

Dewey: How long is this going to take? I had to have Billy Hawkins help dress me for gym.
Reese: It'll grow when you stop needing it to grow.

Malcolm: You wanted to see me... What's going on?
Principal Block: Malcolm, the teachers and I are not here to blame. We're looking for a solution. This is Mr. Mellon. He's legal counsel for the district.
Mr. Mellon: It's nice to meet you.
Principal Block: Now if it were up to me, you'd just be expelled, but the district thinks that there's a way to get everything back the way it was.
Malcolm: Good. Cause I never wanted to fight everyone.
Principal Block: Of course you didn't.
Mr. Mellon: Basically, son, you sign this letter. It says "Car Crash" never met the standards of Crystal Ship. You just picked it to see what you could get away with. It was an adolescent prank, and you apologize.
Principal Block: Now just sign this, and everyone gets their clubs back.
Malcolm: I'm not going to sign it. This is just a lie.
Miss Shaw: All right, Malcolm, I wasn't going to mention this, but I made cupcakes for you kids every week.
Malcolm: Look, I'm not the only one affected by this.
Principal Block: I agree. Ronnie?
Ronnie: I'd like you to sign it, Malcolm. I just want field hockey back.

Gretchen: Oh, Otto, this is such a wonderful party! Everything is just perfect.
Otto: Quiet, please! If everyone could stop their drunken reveling for a second. Gretchen, my love, my life, my bride of 25 years, I have finally learned to do something that you never thought I would be able to do.
Maestro, if you please? [music plays] May I have this waltz?
Gretchen: Otto... [they start to dance]
Otto: Oh, uh, I'm sorry. Oh, oh! I don't understand this. I was doing this perfectly last night.
Gretchen: It's all right, Otto.
Otto: I worked so hard to try to prove my love for you. Oh... I have the same music, I have the same boots, I have the same... Aha! [holds out hand to Francis] Gretchen, prepare to be dazzled!
Francis: Aw, geez... Okay. [they dance]

Lois: You put the lipstick on yourself, right?
Hal: Okay.
Lois: No, I'm serious. You put it on.
Hal: Sure.
Lois: Hal, you did. Just say you did.
Hal: Okay, I did.
Lois: Hal...

Lois: Malcolm, where've you been?
Malcolm: Captain of the football team wanted to show me how he decorated the inside of his locker.
Lois: Yes, well, the principal of your school called. He said you filed a lawsuit so you could destroy the school.
Malcolm: That's a total lie. All I'm trying to do is publish a magazine full of dirty words.
Lois: Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better?