Manny: Well, the man was asking for your help, and you turned him down. Sometimes people need a hand. Now, back when I had troubles, if it wasn't for Supercuts Johnson, I don't know where I'd be today.
Risky: Supercuts Johnson? Who's that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Anywhere relation to Jehri Curl Johnson?
Manny: He was a barber when I was doing time in prison. He used to cut hair on death row.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Why would you want to get your hair cut when you're on death row?
James: You was in the joint?
Manny: Oh, yeah.
Monk: Man, what'd you do?
Manny: You know that tag on the mattress that says "Do not pull off"? I pulled that thing off. Do not pull that tag off, man. They are not playing with y'all.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I didn't know how to get Malvo past the eighth grade, I decided to ask a professional.
Ms. Morello: Chris, this is wonderful. You're like a one-man Operation PUSH.
Chris: Thank you.
Ms. Morello: And Malvo, with the proper education, you can do so many things. You could be a garbage collector, garbage truck driver, garbage truck dispatcher. The list is endless.
Chris: So what do you think we should do next?
Ms. Morello: I've got an idea. Why don't you sit in - which your people have historically been good at - and audit my class?
Malvo: "Audit" means to attend classes or lectures as an auditor. Auditor means "hearer" or "listener."

Chris: So, how would that help him?
Ms. Morello: Well, if he's preparing for an equivalency test, he needs classroom experience. It'll help him get acclimated.
Malvo: Acclimated: "to accustom or to become accustomed to a new climate or an environment."
Ms. Morello: [laughs]
Chris: Thank you, Miss Morello.
Malvo: Yes, thank you.
Ms. Morello: Chris, I think this is a great way for you to get your father off the streets.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And in her bed.

Malvo: I don't want to break in to high school, I want to get into high school. That'll be the first step to turning my life around.
Chris: What do you want from me?
Malvo: I want you to tutor me.
Chris: Why don't you just take the GED?
Malvo: I don't want no GED! I want the complete experience. I want to sit at the desk, I want to smell the textbooks and the chalk, and I want to be with the other kids, frolicking.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sounds like Michael Jackson's diary.

Drew: They're, like, the best team in the league. They're probably gonna win the World Series.
Julius: What about the Dodgers?
Drew: What about 'em?
Julius: They hired Jackie Robinson.
Drew: So?
Julius: Don't you realize that without the Dodgers, there'd be no Black people in baseball? The Dodgers are from Brooklyn. The Dodgers have famous hot dogs. [time lapse] The Dodgers have better logos. The Dodgers marched with Dr. King.
Drew: I don't care. I still like the Mets.
Julius: I guess you can buy your own food and clothing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mature.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Malvo was a big hit in school.
Malvo: Now, when you're on the yard, it's all about attitude. If you don't think you're tough, somebody might shank you, so you think you're tough, right?
Greg: Yeah, yeah, I think I'm tough. And I'm ready for recess. Yeah, bring it on!
[Caruso punches Greg in the face and knocks him to the ground]
Joey Caruso: Nice brag, Bobby Joe.
Malvo: At least he didn't shank you.

Chris: Your mama's so fat she left a ring around the lake.
Malvo: And your mama's teeth so yellow, when she smile, cars slow down.
Greg: And your mama's so Black that she uses Armor All instead of lotion.
Malvo: You talking about my mama?
Greg: No.
Malvo: Nah, that's a good joke. [laughs]

Ms. Morello: Chris, Malvo, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Chris: What is it?
Ms. Morello: Malvo, there was a background check done on you and it was discovered you were just released from prison. And although I find this dance with danger exciting and titillating, other people are scared out of their minds and they want you out.
Chris: What other people?
Ms. Morello: Let's just say the higher authorities.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Let's just say the White people.
Malvo: Now how am I supposed to get into high school?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is like if BET made an after-school special.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] And now another installment of Parenting for Dummies...
Alyson: Where's my daughter?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...at R. Kelly's house.

Rochelle: You know, I think you're setting a bad example for her. Maybe you need to grow up.
Alyson: What are you talking about?
Rochelle: I mean, look at yourself, Allison. You running around here looking like Salt-N-Pepa while your daughter's running the streets and we out looking for Mr. Goodbar.
Alyson: Look, you don't know me, okay? You don't know nothing about me.
Rochelle: You know what? You right. Maybe I'm the one who's crazy. I need to be more like you, you know? Gritty! Living on the edge! You know? Crazy, sexy, cool! Funky, fresh! You know what? To hell with these nappy-headed kids, girl. Let's go out and spray paint a wall. Let's buy a knife and trade it for a gun. Matter of fact, let's sell some blood, girl. What you, A-positive or O? You know what? Maybe we should get pregnant again. Let's have another...
Alyson: Or maybe you should just mind your own business.