Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Brad: I just don't fit in at all.
Sue: Brad. You don't always love school right away. But you got to hang in there! I actually have a ton of posters that speak to exactly what you're talking to, but they're all in storage. The point is, the same thing happened to me when I first got to Gumford.
Brad: But I don't like New York. Everything costs a zillion dollars. People are rude and pushy. I saw a guy once poop on the street. He didn't even try and hide it. He just looked at me like it was normal. I'm telling you, Sue, New York is nothing like On The Town. I mean, the Bronx is up and the Battery's down, but that's it.
Sue: Wow. So what are you gonna do?
Brad: I don't know. I guess I'll just listen to my dad and become a cop or a construction worker. I've already got the outfits.

Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza

Frankie: [v.o.] The amazing thing about best friends is that they just seem to know when you need them. They show up at the perfect time, and then, just like that, they're gone.
Sue: Oh! Brad. What are you doing here? I was just being wistful about you.
Brad: This just in... I decided to stay one more day.
Sue: Really? Are you sure? I mean... I mean, it's great that you can stay, but you've already been here three days. Don't you need to go to class?
Brad: Nothing's more important than my bestie. Plus tonight, I was thinking we could have fondue party.
Sue: But I don't even own a fondue pot.
Brad: That's okay. I've got one in my car.
Sue: Wait, Brad. You were only gonna be here for the weekend. Why do you have a fondue pot in your car?
Brad: Uh, I think a better question is, "Why wouldn't I have a fondue pot in my car?" And an even better question is, "Why am I such a failure?" Sue, I dropped out of NYU! This whole weekend's been a big lie! Except for the part about me always traveling with a fondue pot.