Frankie: What do you need for Europe? Get your passport, I'll get your bag ready.
Axl: Wait, is that stuff clean or dirty?
Frankie: Who cares? French people smell bad... everybody loves that about them. Jeans, boxers.
Axl: Am I really doing this? What about Dad?
Frankie: I'll take care of Dad. Oh! Coat. Coat. And, um, umbrella. Book! Gonna need a book for the plane. Ooh, I got one. Okay, this is written as a fictional conversation between a woman and her uterus, but it's really funny. Neck pillow!

Axl: Ooh! Whoa. [dial tone] God, how can they do this?! Uh... Ooh. "Operator." [dial turns] [ringing] Oh, my God. This is taking forever.
Female Voice: [v.o.] This is the East Indiana State University operator system.
Axl: Yes! [chuckling] Yes!
Female Voice: [v.o.] If you'd like to dial out, please press "1." To reach campus security, please press "2."
Axl: [chuckles] I would very much like to do both of these things, but there's no buttons! It's just some weird wheely thing. Oh! This phone is from The Flintstones! [grunts] Help! Help!

Brick: I've been thinking about it, and now that I'm the make-out king...
Axl: Kissing a hillbilly in North Carolina and your giraffe of a girlfriend does not a make-out king make.
Brick: I'm sorry, how many different states have you kissed girls in? 'Cause I'm currently at three.
Frankie: Brick, it's not very gentlemanly to brag about your conquests.
[Mike gives Brick the A-okay sign]
Brick: The point is, I'm a man now, and since Cindy and I have officially taken it to the next level, I've decided it's time for me to give up my childish affectations... the whoops, the whispers, eating an entire pencil over the course of a week.

Frankie: Oh, Brick, this says your campaign fliers are due tomorrow.
Brick: Oh, really?
Sue: Fliers are super important, Brick. I did fliers when I lost for student council, and when I lost for Teen Board, and when I lost for Junior High Homecoming Court. I just don't think you get it.

Axl: We sold 20 jars of this barbecue sauce, so if that's not a sign I should drop out of college, I don't know what is.
Mike: Yeah, well... [turns the stove off] Take this is a sign that that's not happening.
Axl: What...
Mike: Heck Brothers are done.
Axl: If Paul Newman had you for a dad, he never would have invented salad dressing, and no one would know who he is. Dream squasher!

Mike: Hi, I'm Mike Heck.
Barb: Ah, yes. The rockinfreakshow. Please, sit down. So tell me, Mike. What brings you to Hoosier Grain?
Mike: Well, you called me, told me to come in. And here I am.
Barb: Okay, how about you tell me a little about you? What are three words you would use to describe yourself?
Mike: Uh... Tall. Mike. Man?
Barb: Okay. Well, what would you say is your best quality?
Mike: Tall?

Frankie: Yeah. He's not goin'.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Are you kidding me? This is Brick we're talking about. Brick alone in Chicago?
Mike: He won't be alone. He'll be with 30 other kids.
Frankie: Yeah, for about five seconds until he wanders onto a bus or an L train or a boat or a beam 30 stories over the city. Have you not seen Mr. Magoo?