Lainey: Hey, sport. How you feeling?
Erica: Awful. Never felt so much like a Barry in my entire life.
Lainey: You do know he's my boyfriend and I love him, right?

Beverly: Mmmm not seeing a problem here.
Pops: In Adam's first story, Veeberly was a complex, three-dimensional character.
Beverly: What are you saying?
Pops: You inspired Adam you. It's the whole reason his writing worked.
Beverly: You mean I'm his muse?
Pops: Oh. No.
Beverly: I'm his muse.
Pops: Actually, Stephen King is his-
Beverly: My baby loves me and honors me with his words.
Pops: Not at all.
Beverly: I have to make this right.
Pops: No, Veeberly I-I mean Beverly. Ah, damn it.

Beverly: You don't have to move the computer back down here. You can keep it in your room if you want.
Adam: Not so sure writing's for me.
Beverly: Well, I am.
Adam: You got Stephen King's actual address?
Beverly: I know a few yentas in Maine.
Adam: Eh, I'm not so sure Stevie King's gonna love "Schmoopie Loves Mommy."
Beverly: Oh, God, no! I'm sending him the Veeberly.
Adam: But I thought you hate it.
Beverly: Oh, I do. [chuckling] So much. But you keep writing about me, about this family. It may not all be true, but it's pretty darn good.
Adam: Thanks, Mama.

Beverly: Schmoop-a-loop. Don't forget we're going underpants shopping tomorrow.
Adam: I remember you saying that.
Beverly: I don't remember agreeing to it. I suppose you're too old for Underoos now?
Adam: Yes. I'm in a high school. God, this is a nightmare I can't escape from.
Beverly: [sighs] Guess I'll have to put these in my scrapbook now.

Geoff: Me and Evy came up with the perfect couple's costume. I'm gonna be Seymour from "Little Shop of Horrors."
Evelyn Silver: And I'll be Audrey II, the man-eating plant.
Erica: Fits.
Evelyn Silver: Excuse me, now?
Erica: I hope it fits the costume.
Evelyn Silver: And, uh, who exactly are you taking to the dance, Erica?
Erica: I've got someone lined up. It Lainey's hot cousin Nate.
Lainey: What? Nate didn't tell me you were goin-
Erica: Yeah, he doesn't tell you everything.
Lainey: Oh. Yeah. He did say you're in a very serious relationship.
Erica: It's not that serious. I mean, we could break up anytime, so I can date other people.
Lainey: Totally. 'Cause you have trouble committing?
Erica: Nope. I'm very open to that. Just with the right person, which it's not right now. Point is, I have a date. Okay. Bye.

Beverly: Great news, everyone. I've picked the new book for book club.
Virginia Kremp: Ooh! Who's it by?
Beverly: Only the greatest American novelist.
Virginia Kremp: Hemingway?
Beverly: Hemingway? Pfft. Yuck. [chuckles] My little Adam.

Beverly: Okay, blah-di-blah. Enough small talk. All your weeks were the same. Nothing important happened in your lives. All right, down to business. Who here loved Adam's story?
Virginia Kremp: Beverly, it was good really good.
Beverly: I knew it. My baby's the next Stefan King.
Virginia Kremp:Just- Just one tiny, little thing. Um, did you happen to notice anything familiar?
Beverly: What? What are you getting at?
Virginia Kremp: Uh Albert, you want to field this?
Pops: Fine. I'll take the hit. Listen, Bevy, it's clear the soul-sucking monster in the story is you.
Beverly: Mmmm I don't see it.
Pops: It's name is Veeberly, has blond hair, and wears colorful sweaters.
Beverly: Mmmm not connecting the dots.
Pops: Just look at the cover. It's clearly your head on a spider-like creature's torso.
Beverly: Mmmmmm...
Pops: Beverly, it's you!

Beverly: Wait, does everybody here think I'm a monster?
Virginia Kremp: No! No, no, no! We don't think that. Just your child. He's the one that called you let me get the words "a vicious she-spider whose strength comes from her children's blood and Jazzercize."
Beverly: Well, that that's not Adam's final version. He still has many, many changes to make.
Virginia Kremp: I get it. Once, my son said that my chicken was a little dry.
Beverly: Oh, your chicken was dry! Get out. I love you, but get your ass out of here. Book club is over.

Evelyn Silver: Also, I'm onto you, homewrecker.
Erica: Wha-
Evelyn Silver: I lied about Gam-Gam doing better. She's in a medically induced coma. But I'm staying here to make sure you don't lay your mitts on my man.
Erica: Evy, I have no idea why you-
Evelyn Silver: Oh, sweet Erica. I get what he sees in you. The olive skin, chestnut auburn hair, easy smile.
Erica: Thank you?
Evelyn Silver: You had your chance with my Geoff last year. But you blew it. Blew it.
Erica: Oh, Evy. Sure, you're smart and confident. But it won't be enough.
Evelyn Silver: [laughs nervously] Don't you drag the back of your hand down my cheek in a soft but threatening manner. Only I do that.
Erica: Well, it seems like I'm doing it right now.
Evelyn Silver: Only the woman with the upper hand does that.
Erica: Shh! We both know who that is.
Evelyn Silver: Shh! Don't you shush my lips with your finger! I am the one who shushes!
Erica: Shhhh!
Evelyn Silver: Shhhh!
Erica: Shhhh!
Evelyn Silver: Shhhh! Enough! This is a fight you can't win, missy, 'cause I already won.

Lainey: Um, Nate just realized that he had a Halloween night dental appointment that he can't reschedule.
Erica: There is no Halloween night dental appointment, is there?
Lainey: No. He kind of saw you and left.
Erica: Say I'm the Barry.
Lainey: You're the Barry.