Adam: I'm the one who needs to find the right table, 'cause where I sit will define me for the next four years. It's just like "The Breakfast Club." Look at the cliques: the cheerleaders, the burners, the band geeks, the Mom?!
Beverly: Hey, kids! Over here. Come sit with your mother.
Adam: Oh, balls. Balls, balls.
Erica: Son of a-
Lainey: Um, your mom's here.
Erica: We know. We see her.
Beverly: Yoo-hoo! Can you see me?
Erica: She's waving very clearly at us.
Beverly: I'm your mama! I pushed you out of my swimsuit area!

Erica: Excuse us, Father. We hate to interrupt your evening, but we would like to borrow a brief moment of your valuable personal time.
Murray: What the hell's going on? You morons always come in screaming when you want something.
Pops: It's true. This energy is very unnerving.
Erica: Shouting at you has produced poor results in the past, and at this moment, our lives are at stake.
Adam: Which is why we came to you as calm, mature, young adults to talk this out rationally.
Pops: Even Barry? Seems unlikely.
Barry: Agreed.

Mr. Glascott: I'm afraid only real teachers are welcome in the teachers' lounge. [chuckles] And you're not one of us.
Beverly: So, where am I supposed to eat lunch?
Mr. Glascott: The cafeteria. That's where all the subs eat. All the subs and that new music teacher who wants all the students to think that he's one of them. [scoffs] Yeah, I had a band once, too, Cody. Point is, get out!

Adam: It's my new look. I'm locking in who I'm gonna be for the next four years.
Erica: Did you cut the fingers off of my lace Madonna gloves?
Adam: Now they're fingerless tough-guy gloves with some lace.

Beverly: Schmoopaloos, exciting news! We need to have a little talk. Stop running. Eyes on me.
Remember how I told you all summer I was taking a painting class to help give my life a sense of purpose?
Erica: No.
Adam: Huh?
Barry: ­Who paints what?
Beverly: You people don't listen to a word I say. And I would be deeply hurt if it wasn't all a total lie. I was taking a course for this. It's my teaching certificate.
Erica: For what?
Beverly: For substitute teaching!
Barry: For where?
Erica: High school!
Adam: For which high school?
Beverly: Yours!

Beverly: What does this sweater say to you?
Murray: School?
Beverly: That's exactly what I was going for.

Pops: Look at you. A real teacher.
Beverly: While this might have begun as a way for me to inappropriately track my children's every move, it's given me a renewed sense of purpose.
Murray: I'm thrilled. You're always marching down there to make trouble anyhow. Might as well get some money for it.
Pops: Also, you're supporting the most important woman in your life.
Murray: Sure! Why not?

Murray: Well, the answer's no. Have a good school year.
Barry: So, may I?
Erica: Go to town.
Adam: Do your thing.
Murray: W-What's going on here?
Barry: You make Mom quit or I will knock everything over you love, starting with these thin books! [Grunts]
Murray: What are you doing? You're scaring the dog!
Barry: I am throwing candies in anger! Ooh. [Panting] Went too hot too fast. Here. I need like five hours to recharge my anger.

Principal Ball: Hello, and welcome, William Penn Academy. Thrilled to be back for what's shaping up to be the most exciting school year with- Oh, crap! She's already here! Just get to class! My God, lady. It's the first minute of the school year. I mean, minute.
Beverly: Oh, Earl. I'm not here to beat you into submission. I'm here to teach.
Principal Ball: I'm sorry. Teach?
Beverly: Yes. I got certified over the summer. I'm on your list of subs.
Principal Ball: I am unaware of any such list.
Beverly: Here it is. See? There's my name right there. I put it there myself. Right at the top. See it?
Principal Ball: Uh-huh.
Beverly: See it?
Principal Ball: Yeah.
Beverly: See?
Principal Ball: ­I see.
Beverly: See?
Principal Ball: I see it.
Beverly: See?
Principal Ball: I see it, damn it!
Beverly: Yay!

Adam: Erica! I need your help.
Erica: No, no, no! We had an agreement!
Lainey: Dude, you're super sweaty.
Adam: I committed to this look before I checked the weather.