Will: Yo, Carlton, man, they French girls. We in! Yo, they don't have no standards, man. They like Jerry Lewis. Look, now. Check it out. Follow my lead. I'm a rich and famous rap star.
Carlton: You always get to be the rap star. This time I'll be the rap star and you be Gary Coleman.

Renee: I am Renee and this is Monique and what do you call yourself?
Will: Uh, he's Tiny By Nature. So, how would you ladies like to spend an evening in Tiny's Bel-Air mansion?
Renee: Monique, he has a mansion.
Carlton: A big one. A tennis court, swimming pool, excellent school system.

Will: Yeah, tomorrow night will be perfect. [to the waiter] Separate checks, please. Tomorrow we go French. But tonight we go Dutch.

Carlton: Game plan for tonight, Will. As soon as the parental units are out of the house, we pick the girls up at the hotel. Then, we ply them with Perrier to get them in the mood.
Will: Hey, Carlton, they're French girls. They're always in the mood. Do you know the French word for foreplay? [Carlton shakes his head] Because there isn't one.

Vivian: Okay, sweetheart, I am counting on you to take care of your sister while your father and I are at the jazz festival.
Ashley: Okay. But last time I squealed on Hilary I found Barbie face down in the aquarium.

Philip: [scatting]
Will: Boy, boy. You kids and your music. Ah, when I was young, lyrics meant something.
Philip: I was scatting, Will. That's the most expressive form of singing. For example. [scats] Vivian, gonna be late.[scats] Vivian, gonna be late.

Aunt Helen: Hi, Vivian.
Vivian: Well, what a wonderful surprise!
Geoffrey: I'll put these in the guest room. Ah, so this is what a hernia feels like.

Aunt Helen: Well, Bobby's visiting Lester's parents for the weekend so I decided to take a little trip. Now, you know I'm always doing things on the spur on the moment. Buy a new hat, paint the house, get a divorce.
Philip: Not again.
Aunt Helen: This time he's gone too far.
Will: Hey, does Uncle Lester still do that "pull my finger" thing in church?
Aunt Helen: I don't want to talk about it. Not in front of the young one.

Aunt Helen: I'm afraid Ashley's right. I think Lester's messing around. Look, I just need a place to stay for a while.
Will: Oh, yeah, Aunt Helen, that's cool. You can have my room. In Philly.
Carlton: Will, don't be so insensitive. Aunt Helen, you're staying at the Howard Johnson's, and I won't take no for an answer.
Vivian: Boys, knock it off.

Carlton: What about our date? This is so unfair.
Will: You're telling me? I stayed up all night learning the French for "Forget about my cousin, y'all can both have me."