Amy: So that's why you didn't want me talking about people's love lives... because you had a little secret of your own.
Garrett: Okay.
Amy: Are we gonna get a destination wedding? Like, how many cute little Garrett-Dina babies are you gonna have? Garrett Junior?
Garrett: Hey, Dina, Amy went to go see Lego Batman yesterday.
Dina: [on the phone] I'm gonna have to call you back. [hangs up] What in the name of God is Lego Batman?

Amy: Okay, look, I saw you at the movie theater yesterday with Jeff.
Mateo: [clears throat] Can we please not talk about this here?
Amy: Talk about what, Mateo? The fact that I saw you making out with Sandra's boyfriend?
Mateo: Ssh. Okay. He's not her boyfriend. He's my boyfriend.
Amy: What?
Mateo: I've been seeing him since October.
Amy: That doesn't make any sense. No, you haven't.
Mateo: That's us on a picnic. That's us at the pool in his hotel. That's us as Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand in Prince of Tides.

Glenn: What has happened to this store?
Amy: Me. I happened. This is me. This is my fault. I opened the cage, or whatever. I've never seen Jurassic Park. [all gasp]
Dina: What?
Amy: Okay, that is not what we're dealing with right now.

Glenn: Don't worry, uh, Tori can cover your shift. You just get some rest.
Amy: [on phone] [coughs] Thanks, Glenn.
Dina: Hey, is that Amy?
Glenn: Yeah. She's got a terrible cold.
Dina: Oh, no. Hey, sweetie. You sound terrible... shrill, but in a different way.
Amy: Yeah... [coughs] It's pretty bad.
Dina: Uh-huh. Hey, Ames, can you hold on a sec? [presses button] Yeah, she's faking.
Glenn: No, she is not.
Dina: Glenn, I love Amy like a sister, and she is a liar and a fraud, like my sister.
Amy: I'm still on, by the way.
Dina: Hey, sweetie!

Dina: I mean, I'm just saying, we're friends, so if you did play hooky yesterday, you can totally tell me.
Amy: I wasn't. [coughs]
Dina: Are you sure you should be drinking coffee? Caffeine mixed with cold medication can have the same effects as meth.
Amy: Really? I've never heard that.
Dina: Oh, it's true.
Amy: I guess... [pours coffee down sink]
Dina: Yeah, all of it.

Amy: Hey, Sandra. How's it going?
Sandra: Pretty good. Someone stole my cat again.
Dina: Excuse me, I'm having a conversation with Amy.
Amy: I think we were all caught up.
Dina: Are we?
Amy: How are things, Sandra. How's Jeff?
Sandra: Great. He might take me to Paris.
Amy: Aww, Paris? That sounds so serious.
Dina: I hate Paris. That place is just one giant gay ashtray.

Glenn: I love the Wellness Fair. We're gonna save a lot of lives today.
Jonah: It's mostly handing out informational pamphlets, right?
Glenn: And buttons.

Amy: Hey, guys, if you knew that a friend's boyfriend was cheating on her with another one of your friends, would you say something?
Cheyenne: Hmm, that's a tough one. Is it Kylie or Emily?

Amy: Okay, look, I wasn't actually home sick yesterday. I went to the movies, and I saw Jeff with... Mateo... [whispers] Kissing each other.
Garrett: Wow!
Cheyenne: Weird.
Garrett: Whoa.
Cheyenne: Hmm.
Garrett: Woof.

Jonah: Hey, where should I put these cups?
Glenn: Put them over there with the rest of them. I set up a little juice station at the entrance... sort of a healthy treat to get people in the mood.
Jonah: You know, uh, juice actually isn't that healthy.
Glenn: Juice? It's from fruit. It's like the healthiest stuff on the planet.
Nurse Ella: He's right. Fruit juice is loaded with sugar.
Glenn: Oh, good to know. I guess Jonah's right, and I'm something else.