Alexis: I already purchased a booth. Your name is on the website, and I just printed out all of these headshots for you to sign. Obviously I will be taking commission.
Moira: Alexis, there's a good reason I've avoided these conventions in the past. Showing up, taking your picture with a motley crew of pale, dewy-faced salamander people. I haven't hit rock bottom quite yet. It's a matter of self-worth.
Alexis: You did a commercial for adult diapers!
Moira: In Japan! In full-face Kabuki makeup!

Alexis: Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. It's 30 seconds each, tickets in hand, or it's back of the line, and no, she will not be clarifying any Sunrise Bay plot points.
Moira: Ahem. Feet.
Alexis: Oh, yes. And if we're talking feet, it's $75 for one, $150 for the pair.

Moira: Alexis, dear, now is bad a time as any to tell you. There is a dark side to Mummy's industry, and I've tried to protect you from it your whole life.
Alexis: You took me to the Playboy Mansion when I was seven.
Moira: And you had a wonderful time in the children's grotto. But, this! Alexis, you shouldn't have to see this. Thespians selling their autographs for money in cheerless convention centers.

David: Like they know about "us", right?
Patrick: Okay. Listen, David. I've have been wanting to tell them about us. I really have, I just was waiting to do it in person, and then I didn't go home for the holidays, and then I was feeling so comfortable with you, and your family.
David: Yeah. Yeah, I-I don't know why I assumed, um... So all this time, your parents thought they were just talking to your your business partner?
Patrick: Okay. David, I know my parents are good people, I just... [emotional exhale] Hmm, I can't shake this, this fear that there is a small chance that this could change everything. That they might see me differently, or treat me differently.
David: Uh-uh.
Patrick: But I'm gonna deal with this as soon as I see them next, okay?
David: Okay, what you're dealing with is very personal. And something you should only do on your terms. Okay? That's why I brought this couple home one day in college, and just told my parents to deal with it.

David: Okay so, as we all know, I think surprise parties are tacky, and far too often organized by well-intentioned people with very bad taste. But Patrick has always wanted one, poor thing. So I am throwing him a surprise party tonight.
Johnny: Well, David, these kinds of parties take time, and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother's 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.

Patrick: Well, there's something that, uh, that I've been meaning to tell you.
Marcy: You can tell us anything.
Clint: Honey, let's just let him talk.
Patrick: Uh, yeah. So I guess this doesn't really come naturally. Um... David-
Marcy: He seems like a really great partner, honey.
Clint: Marcy.
Marcy: In business.
Patrick: Yeah, he is. He's also a great partner outside of business. We're together. David is my boyfriend. And I've never been happier in my life. And so I just, I hope you guys can accept that.
Marcy: Ohh! You are the only thing in the world that matters to us. And if David makes you happy, then that's all we care about.
Patrick: Dad?
Clint: I like him. I like him a lot.
Patrick: Me too.
Clint: I don't understand his clothes, but... [all laugh]
Patrick: Ah, you will in time. Oh man, I didn't know how I was gonna tell you guys.
Marcy: Well, we're just glad you finally did. Happy birthday, my sweet boy.
Patrick: Thank you.

Patrick: So how long have they known?
David: I'm sorry?
Patrick: My parents. How long have they known? About us?
David: Um, I don't know, I don't know what you're talking about.
Patrick: David, I know my parents. They're not good actors. They knew about us, right?
David: Okay, my Dad might've told them, but he, he thought they knew.
Patrick: And the gift basket that you gave them - that I'm hoping you paid for - that had nothing to do with you trying to smooth things over with them?
David: It was just a very messy day. And I was- I was trying to detangle things, and... And just make everything okay.
Patrick: Yeah. Well, you made everything okay.

Marcy: So what do we do now? Not go to the party? I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
David: No, no, no, we are all going to the party. Patrick is planning on telling you tonight. So I think the best birthday gift we could give him at this point is to just keep him in the closet until then. I know that came out wrong, but we all understand what I'm saying, right?

Alexis: As your acting publicist, I'm putting my foot down. We're doing this. You need the money, and this is how you're gonna get it.
Moira: Look at you. Very well. But there will be a safe word in case the gaggle of asymmetrical faces gets to be too much.
Alexis: Deal. I'll start the car.

Roland: This is a really big deal, Johnny. I mean, meeting my best friend's son's boyfriend's parents for the very first time, I am very touched that you wanted me to share this moment with you.
Johnny: I asked you to mow the lawn three times, Roland, so you being here is more your decision than mine.