Roland: Are they durable?
Wendy: Oh well, durability's a given here at the "Blouse Barn." And if you're asking my opinion-
David: Are we, though?
Wendy: It's between these two.
Roland: Well, this is a real "Sophie's Choice!"
David: I hope that you and Jocelyn don't role play that at home.
Roland: Hell, we've played every Streep movie.

Ray: And sold! To Johnny Rose, for the price of $15 dollars. Which, uh, I hope you can afford. You know, considering your financial situation.
Johnny: Yeah, I get it, Ray. I get it. I get it. I've got cash, and I'd just like my cufflinks, please.

Johnny: I wonder who got my golf clubs.
Moira: Really, John, that's the first thing that comes to mind?
Johnny: They were custom made.
Moira: So was my Galapagonian tortoise-shell foot bath. And now some lonely hoarder is letting his cats poop in it.

Roland: Have you ever seen "The Devil Wears Prada?"
David: Obviously!
Roland: Okay, well, Meryl Streep plays this kind of powerful, sexy fashion woman-
David: Yep, I've seen it!
Roland: Okay, anyway, Jocelyn and I like to have a little fun with that idea, if you know what I mean. She plays Meryl, and I play the nervous but ambitious intern who's new to the city.
David: Oh, so you're the- So you- You're the Anne Hathaway in that situation?
Roland: I don't know who that is.
David: Well, that's more than enough information for me to go on.

Alexis: Okay, so you have to keep it upright.
David: I don't even wanna do this!
Alexis: David, you're gonna feel so good, trust me.
David: Oh, my God, you know that I have bad foot-eye coordination, you didn't have to wear corrective leg braces for three months.
Alexis: You can't blame everything on having been pigeon-toed, David.

David: Can I help you with something?
Roland: Well, um, here's the deal. Uh, I was thinking this morning, and I don't wanna tell you where I was thinking, but it was a small room in my house, and I was sitting down.
David: Okay.

David: It's just that I'm finding both of these options to be a little um...
Wendy: What?
David: Well, I don't know, we've just spent so much time and energy finding the few pieces that aren't, um, uh-
Wendy: What?!
David: I'm trying to find the word to describe what I-
Wendy: Oh, flirty? Sassy?
David: Skanky! I think the clothes are a bit skanky.
Roland: Hmm. Well. Skanky. We'll um, take the funereal skirt then, and the skanky blouse.

David: Well, thank you for this delightful trip.
Roland: You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that uh, you're a little upset.
David: What would give you that impression?
Roland: Well, I first noticed it when Heart came on, and nobody was taking the high parts.

Johnny: You know what I think, I think they tried it out, and uh, it just didn't work for them.
Moira: And by tried it out, you mean...
Johnny: I mean they tried it out.
Moira: Eww! Oh God! No! Oh! Oh! Oh God, that's memory foam, John!
Johnny: Oh, Moira, we've stayed at Kennedy compound, this can't be any worse than that!
Moira: The Kennedys aren't Roland! The Kennedys have regular medicals, daily laundering!

Jocelyn: Look at you two bargain hunters. You finding anything yet?
Moira: Mm, nothing you couldn't see fall out of a common Christmas cracker!