Cameron: No, okay, not happening. I'm having flashbacks. I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was kid, I fell into a well.
Mitchell & Cameron: [together] It happened the same day as baby Jessica, but she got all the press.
Cameron: It still stings. Everybody loves a baby, but not one single prayer for a husky teen who's stuck head-first in a well for the better part of an hour.

Cameron: All right, Lily, let's go. Okay, how late are we, "goat loose in the house" late or "stubborn cow in the road" late?
Mitchell: You've lived here 12 years. Please use city time.

Luke: Will you hurry up?
Manny: I'm saving my strength because if we don't find this helicopter, I'm walking to Canada.
Luke: [scoffs] Hope you like taxes.

Jay: [aside to camera] Terrible tragedy.
Gloria: They're our closest friends.
Jay: We know them. Uh, Manny and their son Reuben are tight. In fact, I put in one of their closets. Not that it matters, but it was the only structure to survive the fire.
Gloria: Por favor, don't even say that word! In my country it is considered very, very bad luck when your house burns down.

Alex: Problem here, boys?
Luke: These geeks won't give us back our helicopter that we took from Reuben.
Alex: Is that right, Abraham?
Boy: Oh, my God. She knows your name.
Alex: Helicopter, please.
Abraham: I love you.
Haley: What just happened?
Alex: You have your fans, I have mine. Some day, your fans are going to work for my fans.