Ted: Look, buddy, I'm also the captain of a team in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 Who Work In Midtown League. I'm addicted to the adrenaline too. Still, don't you think you're getting a little obsessive about...
Robin: Uh, hold up. Hold up. Are you suggesting that you are a member of a sports team and you're the captain?
Ted: So says the "C" I personally sewed onto my jersey. Uh, after Victoria and I broke up, I had some free time. So called up a few architect friends and put together a little team called the T-Squares.
[flashback to Ted with three decidedly unathletic basketball players in a gym:]
Ted: See that? The floor's uneven.
Giles: And that window placement is rubbish.
Joel: You know, if a genie gave me one wish, I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow.
Ted: Great wish. There's too much hard wood, right?

Robin: Did you nerds actually play any basketball?
Ted: Um, us nerds focused on something far more important.. bonding.
Robin: You guys are gonna get pounded. And I am not.
Ted: Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without sex? Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam.
Barney: I'm sure he's quite a ball handler.

Robin: The problem is, now that we're not having sex, we're talking more and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... dumb.
Lily: Really?
Marshall: News to me.
Ted: No.
Barney: I hadn't noticed that.
Robin: Oh, my God. You guys think that he's dumb too?
Ted: So dumb.
Barney: Air bags are sharper.
Lily: Hot as lava but just as thick.

Robin: Wow. When did you guys start to notice that he was kind of dumb?
Barney: Well, there was the time Nick was doing the crossword.
[flashback to Robin and Nick with Barney at MacLaren's:]
Nick: Hey, what's a four-letter word for "cut"?
Barney: Nick.
Nick: Yeah?
Lily: Is a four-letter word for "cut."
Nick: What is?
Marshall: Nick.
Nick: What? Oh. I got it. Shave.

Ted: And there was the comment about Gypsies.
[flashback to the gang at MacLaren's:]
Ted: No, no. I think Gypsies prefer to be called Romani now.
Nick: [laughs] Do they? Really? And what do unicorns and, uh, elves, and leprechauns prefer to be called?
Ted: You do know, uh... Gypsies are a real ethnic group that actually exists?
Nick: Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now. I always thought they were just made up, like goblins or trolls or dolphins.

Lily: And then there's that story you told about how you and Nick picked up that Danish exchange student and you all took a shower together.
Robin: I never told a story like that.
Lily: Well, no time like the present. Let's give this Danish ho a name. I'm thinking Nadia. Yeah. She sounds slutty and bi-curious.
Robin: What is wrong with you?
Ted: Your kid is right there. Maybe you wanna clean it up a lit...

Ted: You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups?
Marshall: No, Ted. I'm sitting around getting soft 'cause that's what champions do.
Robin: You know, the problem is now that I know how dumb Nick is, it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship.
Lily: Why? Eventually, Nick's groin will heal, and you'll be back in Sexville, where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill.

Marshall: Okay. That is ridiculous. Is Nick a genius? No. But does he have average intelligence? No. But he is a human being with a heart.
Robin: And you're afraid, if I dump him, it'll throw off his game.
Marshall: Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week. And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet.

Ted: Well, you're probably all wondering how the T-Squares' practice went today.
Lily: The T-what?
Ted: We played up here. Basketball, people don't realize, is all geometry, physics and engineering. If you think like an architect, you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball.
Barney: What happened to your ball?
Ted: Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it and wouldn't give it back.
Barney: Oy.

Lily: How'd the breakup with Nick go?
Robin: Well...
[flashback to Nick and Robin in her apartment:]
Nick: So I went to this fortune-teller today, and she said there was a curse on me.
Robin: Did she sell you something to ward off the curse?
Nick: It's like you're a fortune-teller too.