Robin: You should listen to it. Just don't put too much pressure on it.
Ted: She's right. I mean, this idea that someone's last words have to be profound and meaningful? I mean, who can live up to that?
Barney: Exactly. All those "famous last words" people supposedly said? They're all made up. Like that patriotic
dude, Nathan Hale, from third-grade history?
[fantasy scene of Barney as Nathan Hale about to be hanged:]
Barney: My I only regret is I have but one life to lose for my country.
[present:]
Barney: You know what his real last words were?
[fantasy:]
Barney: [high-pitched] I'm peeing my pants!
[present:]
Barney: True story.

[Barney runs down the street with two armed men chasing after him. A man wearing a Fez offers him a place to shelter:]
Man in Fez: Psst. In here!
Barney: I'm safe.
Man in Fez: [pulls gun] Not quite. The amulet, please, Mr. Stinson.
Barney: Why? [knocks the guy down]
Boy: Help! Help!
Barney: The kid.
Boy: Help!
Barney: Hang on, kid. Grab my tie.
Boy: But you're not supposed to take the tie off. You lost a bet with your friends Lily and Marshall which requires you to wear the tie for a full year.
Barney: If it means saving your life, I think they'll understand!
Boy: They sound like nice people!
Barney: Yeah, they are. Grab that... Come on. That's it.
Boy: Thanks, Mister. How can I repay you?
Barney: You can stay in school, that's how.
[A bird flies off the tie]
Barney: No!
[at MacLaren's:]
Barney: True story. But golly, I'm just gonna miss the heck out of that ducky tie. I really am.
Lily: Look what I just found in the trash.
Barney: No! [puts the tie back on]

[title: "Barney Stinson: Player King of New York City"]
Lily: Is any of this true?
Barney: Of course. [v.o.] Now, hang on to your "chayers." For that day I was called before... the High Council of Players.
Staten Island Lou: Gentlemen, for your attendance here, our deepest thanks. I'm sad to say, this council has a poacher in its ranks. For Barney here picked up a girl outside his territory. The East Side is Tuxedo Charlie's turf. He's mad.
Tuxedo Charlie: True story. The Agreement of 2004 quite clearly did define Fifth Avenue to be our hunting grounds' dividing line. Your West Side college girls are not the slip I park my boat in. So you should know my East Side debutantes are quite verboten.

[title: "Barney Stinson: Player King of New York City"]
Lily: Please. Bronx Donnie? No chance he could get me in the sack. Tell that Mafioso I know something he can whack.
Barney: Ladies, don't you worry, your fair legs can all stay closed. 'Cause luckily they took the counteroffer I proposed.
[at the Council of Players:]
Barney: Well, gentlemen, it seems there's nothing I can say to sway you. Charlie, Donnie, say no more, I gladly will repay you. Carlotta, some champagne. Let's toast before we all adjourn. To boobies. Oh, and B-T-dub, y'all just drank poison. Ha-burn. [laughs maniacally]
[at MacLaren's:]
Barney: And thus, my friends, I have become, through methods somewhat gory the Player King of New York City. Boom. The end. True story.