Felix: Well, this clog won't budge. I'm gonna need a snake with a retrieving auger.
Tim: Wait a minute. Felix, come on. Let's go with compressed air. It's now. It's "go with the flow, baby."
Felix: If there was any flow, we wouldn't be here. I'm gonna get my pipe snake.

Al: Uh, we might want to remind our viewers that these are old pipes, and the master blaster blows compressed air at 1,400 psi.
Tim: Well, it used to. Until I removed the regulator. Now it goes to 3,000 psi.
Al: Tim, that's an awful lot of pressure.
Tim: "The Tool Man" works great under pressure.
Felix: [enters] What are you doing?
Tim: I'm clearing pipes with compressed air. Don't burst my bubble. [pipes groan]
Felix: That's not the only thing your bubble's gonna burst. [faucet pops off] Oh! I worked on a sub in the Navy and I know that sound.
Tim: What happens next?
Felix: I'm going AWOL.
Al: Me, too.
Tim: I'm going down.

Tim: Thanks, honey, for making this dinner.
Jill: I wanted to. I've never seen you so excited about dinner.
Tim: It'll be great. For dessert everyone will go out to the garage and I'll introduce us all to the hot rod.
Jill: The dinner party of my dreams.

Andi: Oh, I love your house! It reminds me of my mom's.
Christy: This place is so retro.
Grant: Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you, where did you find all this great '80's furniture?
Jill: In the '80's.

Andi: Grant and I are gonna go and pick out a ring.
Jill: Oh! Are you getting married?
Andi: No! Grant's buying me a nose ring!
Tim: Well, nothing says "I love you" like a piece of steel right through the nostril, huh?
Christy: You know, I wanted to get a nose ring, but Brett here thinks it's gross.
Tim: I'm with Brett.
Christy: He wants me to get a navel ring.
Brett: Yeah, so it'll match mine.
Christy: Isn't it cute?
Jill: Oh! Cool. Matching "his" and "her" lint traps.

Christy: Come on, Jill. Let's party.
Jill: No, guys, I'm sorry. But there's no way on Tuesday night at 10:00 that I could drive to Ypsilanti. I've got classes and I've got to get three kids to school.
Grant: How about you, Tim? We can pull an all-nighter and get you back to Tool Time in the morning.
Tim: Hmm. Let me think about it. No! I've got a real busy day tomorrow. I've got to go to Small Claims Court about a little bathroom issue.

Jill: Well, they seem very nice.
Tim: Yeah. Yeah, didn't they? If you like immature, irresponsible, rude people they're nice.
Jill: Honey, they're kids. They were just acting like kids do.
Tim: We never acted like that when we were in college.
Jill: Tim, do you remember anything about college?
Tim: I remember there were a lot of stairs.

Tim: So, how was it, being married to a college kid for a couple of weeks?
Jill: Well, the sex was a lot better.
Tim: No small thanks to the moves I learned from Mrs. Hensley.
Jill: Mrs. Hensley?
Tim: She had a class in the university. [with lisp] Our Bodies, Ourselves. She's 75 and she can do some wacky things with the overhead projector, I'll tell you that now.